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It is disputed whether parents of overweight kids should be blamed on causing offspring to be obese


s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Jul 18, 2019   #1

Parents of obese children should be punished for making their children fat.


Do you agree or disagree?


It is disputed that whether parents of overweight kids should be blamed on causing offspring obese. The passage totally disagrees the statement since kids are responsible for their own healthy and since obesity may occur due to genetic factors.

First, it is possible that genetic factors may be attributed to the overweight of children. Since the infant was born, the cells of overweight infant may tend to be more likely than those of normal one to absorb nutrition, causing more fat to accumulate in its body. Even though parents provide enough food, the children still tend to be obese. According to recent research, it is found that an abnormal cell from child absorbs 30% more fat than normal one on the condition that both children consume same amount of food.

Second, children should be the one who take responsibility for their health since parents can't always be present with them. When kids are at school or go on a trip with friends, there is a great chance that they consume more junk food and beverages than they usually do and, as a result, become obesity due to too much fat received. Also, the recent theory studied by nutritionists has revealed that children tend to spend 80% of their money on food, especially junk food, and drinks.

In conclusion, parents should not be punished for causing overweight kids since the cause of obesity to children may be contributed to kids' not taking good care of their own health or some genetic factors.

(251 words)

jocelyn wang 3 / 6 4  
Jul 18, 2019   #2
Hi,

There is a sentence that seems odd to me. Since I am not a native speaker either, hope someone else can point out if I say it wrong.

I think it would be better to check how to use these two verbs, attribute and contribute. In paragragh 2, "genetic factors may be attributed to the overweight of children" seems not correct, it probably should be "the overweight children may be attributed to the genetic factors." or you can use contribute instead.

Jocelyn
lichien0422 5 / 8 3  
Jul 19, 2019   #3
Hi, the essay is well-structured. Just one thing to point out and I hope you find it helpful.
Even though parents provide the right amount of enough food...
Dang Khoa 11 / 42  
Jul 19, 2019   #4
@jocelyn wang
Ur right already, u don't need to be humble :).
And u @s410377088, the reasons of the 3rd paragraph is good and strong, i like it :). But there are some points that make me irritated :V.

For example: do not use "kid", it is an informal word that is not encouraged to use. Your point will be degraded. And in IELTS, "can't" is an acronym, and an acronym is not allowed to use, u will be degraded for that.

In addition, the reasons of the 2nd paragraph is not firm and strong. You only give 1 reason, it may reasonable because of your scientific researches. But you lack more reasons like parents do not care much about their children, as a result to obesity. That is a point that i think u should add.

Hope u do well in the future :) !
OP s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Jul 19, 2019   #5
@jocelyn wang @lichien0422
thanks for both of your correction
@Dang Khoa
thx for the compliment
as for your 2nd paragraph's advice, will the argument be more persuasive by doing the following corrections:
Since the infant was born..... causing more fat to accumulate in its body. Even though parents ... be obese.

In this case, there is not so much that father and mother can do to prevent children from gaining extra weight.


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