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IELTS: disruptive kids should be taught separately

Eagerlearner 2 / 6  
Aug 28, 2011   #1
Good day. this is a practice essay I wrote in preparation for my IELTS exam... Please feel free to comment, suggest and make corrections so that I can improve my writing skill..: )

SITUATION: Disruptive school students have a negative influence on others. Students who are noisy and disobedient should be grouped together and taught separately. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer

It cannot be denied that ill-behaved students can affect others' behavior. However, I strongly disagree that blatant or defiant students should be placed in a separate class from the other students. In this essay, I will provide reasons to support my stand.

Students may behave badly but isolating them from the others is not the answer. While disruptive students may influence others, the same can be said to them, they can also be easily impacted with the well behaved ones. Coupled with a good guidance from their teacher, these students are more likely to improve their behavior rather than get worse. Moreover, a good model and proper discipline is essential. Parents should be taught the importance of role modeling and disciplining their children because what kids see and experience at home affect their general behavior.

As an example, when I was still in high school, a student with a reputation of being frequently absent and late transferred to our school. He was not treated specially; in fact, he got the same treatment as everybody else. However, tardiness and absenteeism are not tolerated in our institution, every late and absent mean you have to write an explanation letter signed by your parents and additional cleaning duties after class. I myself have tried this a few times, it is very exhausting to sweep, and mop and pick up other people's trash. In addition to that, it is annoying when you get left behind after school hours while others can sit down and relax in their own houses. Finally, if no change is seen after those punishments, the parents are asked to school to see the principal and the teacher to discuss the student's conduct as well as what can be done at home to correct this problem. Apparently, this system seems to work because, after countless cleaning duties and trips to the principal's office, the new student's attendance record improved by a mile.

One can argue that creating a class specially designed to deal with disobedient children is the best solution but through this method, we may be causing the children to think that they are not normal and can possibly impede there growth as a whole.

As a conclusion, behavioral problems cannot be solved by separating those badly behaved students to another class. Instead of worrying of which student goes to which group, it would be more appropriate to think of a solution without having a child go through a feeling of isolation.
iniguezk 3 / 4  
Aug 28, 2011   #2
Im no expert either but the first sentence that starts with As an example sounds a little weird. Maybe rewording it would be a good solution
OP Eagerlearner 2 / 6  
Aug 28, 2011   #3
thank you for the help iniguezk. :) would it be better if i just remove "as an example"?
OP Eagerlearner 2 / 6  
Aug 28, 2011   #4
Can anyone give me a possible ielts rating for this essay? :)
abc1400 17 / 32  
Sep 1, 2011   #5
I think that instead of saying "impede there growth" it is better to say " impede their growth".
jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Sep 1, 2011   #6
Coupled with a good guidances from their teachers , these students are (would tend to be ) more likely to improve their behavior rather than get worse.

Moreover, good models and proper disciplines is(are ) essential.

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