The distance between the rich and the poor is enlarging due to development of technology - Ielts 2

Full topic:

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor.

Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

In this modern and age, the fast-moving of technology had created some changes in human society. Many people believed that the distance between the rich and the poor is enlarging due to development of technology, whereas, others think technology contributes positive effects to social gap. This essay will discuss both views and I agree that technology developments help decrease the gap between social classes.

On the one hand, it is totally nonsense to assert that technological advancement is partly the reason of increasing rich and poor discrimination. For example, some flagship products and services such as medicine or entertainment services are only affordable for those with high income. The poorer cannot pay that amount to receive the equivalent service. Particularly, in pharmacy area, few advanced technology products normally are more expensive than the others, hence, there are shortage of conditions for poor people to obtain those services if they get the similar diseases as the affluent ones.

On the other hand, technological developments reap enormous benefits for bridging closely the gap between wealth and poverty. Since the presenting of Internet, a number of viral videos are shared online to encourage support for the disadvantaged individual and families, thus, thanks to this development, the benefactors readily join hand and assist to those people overcoming the difficulties. Moreover, before applying technological innovations, Viet Nam was still a poor country, however, after improving as well as advancing the technology and science, Viet Nam became one of the most potential countries in Asia for investigation, also the distance among affluent and impoverished country is narrowed. Last but not least, the more improving technology is, the more price for exclusive products is dropped, which provides the uniformity for both social classes.

In conclusion, while the debate about the effects of technology on the social gap is unremitting, I firmly believed that the range of technology innovations helps to decrease the gap between the rich and the poor.

The essay prompt requires the following format for your response:
- Paraphrase (without your personal opinion)
- Public POV 1
- Public POV 2
- Personal Opinion
- Conclusion (Reverse Paraphrase)

Your essay does not define the public point of view in your body of paragraphs. Neither does it thresh out your personal opinion at the end. Therefore, the essay, due to improper wording of the body of paragraphs, ended up discussing a representation of your personal point of view alone. You failed to properly represent the TA section in this aspect so you will definitely get a lower score based on the criteria for that section. There are deviations from the prompt based on technology when you refer to fields such as Pharmacy. You also do not fully develop your discussion points in the paragraphs. You do not explain your reasons, you just keep giving reasons. In order to write an effective paragraph the following format must be applied:

- Topic sentence
- Reason
- Supporting information 1
- Supporting information 2 (optional)
- Transition sentence

Proper references to the public point of view must be made in the topic sentence. An example of this reference is; "The affluent sector of society believes that... While those who do not have the same resources are convinced that..."

This essay represents a confused way of discussing the given prompt. It will get scored based on a partial response to the prompt rather than a total explanation of the task provided.

Well, in your introduction, I think you mean the fast-moving of technology has created ? Anyway, come to your essay, I can understand your structure and your personal viewpoint. However, I do not understand one thing. In your paragraph 2, you wrote: it is totally nonsense to assert that technological advancement is partly the reason of increasing rich and poor discrimination. So I understand that in this paragraph, you illustrate technological development do not increase the gap between the rich and poor. And in your next paragraph, you explained the way technology decrease the gap between these people. Therefore, I did not see anything writing about why people believe technology increase the gap ?? Please remember that this is the discuss both views essay, so you should describe both view and tell us your opinion instead of giving reasons to support your viewpoint.