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IELTS essay:the disvantages of cars


stomnus 1 / 1  
Aug 7, 2010   #1
hi! i'm parcticing ielts eaaay.please give some advice. Thank you
topic:
The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars?

content:
With the increasing use of cars, many severe problems have arisen, such as air pollution, high energy consumption, car accidents etc.
I think the biggest issue should be air pollution. The air pollution from cars is mainly caused by fuel emissions. Increased cars use causes more greenhouse gases to get emitted into the atmosphere; this traps more and more of the earth's heat, causing an overall warming to the planet's temperature. Since 1850, the eight warmest recorded years have all occurred since 1998. At the same time, fuel emissions such as carbon monoxide have a negative effect on blood and organs of the body. A new survey points out that carbon monoxide basically suffocates a person to death. The gas also intensifies cardiovascular disease in humans.

However, automobiles also bring many benefits to our life. When you have your own car, you can go wherever you want, whenever you want, without being dependent on anyone else. So measures should be taken to solve these problems. For example, we can tap new energy to replace fossil fuel, such as solar energy, wind power, hydropower, etc. Currently, many car makers have rolled out green cars powered by electricity. Though there are lots of drawbacks in this type of car. But I think with the development of technology, these technical difficulties will be worked out.

Additionally, the government should carry out laws to limit car emissions, and advocate pubic transport. I believe that the advantages of cars, in the long run, will outweigh its disadvantages.

Lily Rose 5 / 16  
Aug 7, 2010   #2
First of all, I think the essay is a bit short. You may need to do more research on cars, the problems it caused and the solutions.

Second of all, I think it's redundant although it's okay to say that whether you think the advantages of cars outweigh its disadvantages or not. The question is mean to ask you the problems that cars may cause and whether we should discourage people using cars in order to reduce the problems. So focus on what is asked.

Third of all, I think there are some grammar mistakes in the below sentences.

"The air pollution from cars is mainly caused by fuel emissions. Increased cars use causes more greenhouse gases to get emitted into the atmosphere;"

"The air pollution is mainly caused by fuel emissions that produced by cars."

I think "the air pollution from cars" sounds a bit strange.

"Increasing car use" - more and more people are having cars therefore it is still increasing.

"greenhouse gas" - I don't know if it's right, but "greenhouse gases" sounds a bit weird.

Sadly, I can't correct your whole essay since I myself is also preparing for IELTS. So I can only give you my opinions as a reader and my advice.

However, my corrections might be wrong so I'd like to hear what native speakers think.

Hope this helps!
OP stomnus 1 / 1  
Aug 7, 2010   #3
thanks a lot. great help for me.
Lily Rose 5 / 16  
Aug 8, 2010   #4
Sorry, my mistake. It's okay to say "greenhouse gases".
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 9, 2010   #5
Put a comma after accidents and before etc.

...accidents, etc.

That first sentence is very good!

However, automobiles also bring many benefits in our lives.

So... you do not have many errors. I think you should work on your thesis statement. Give a sentence at the end of the first paragraph that tells a unique idea that is the main idea supported by the whole essay.

:-)
nishanthand 2 / 4  
Aug 15, 2010   #6
Hi,
I am also an IELTS student (sometime my opinion may not be 100% correct´üŐ).
I believe that it is not a good idea to use "etc" in essay writing for IELTS like exams. Please try to avoid using it.

Example:
For example, we can tap new energy to replace fossil fuel, such as solar energy, wind power, hydropower, etc.
Can be replace as
For example, lots of alternatives have been identified to replace fossil fuels. Those include renewable energy sources like solar and wind power.

Good luck.


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