Prompt: Reflect back on an incident in your life or in the life of someone you know that required a courage action? Describe the incident and explain how it involved courage.
Respond:
I was shocked when the doctor announced that I was pregnant. I didn't expect a pregnancy at this time, when my relationship had ended a month ago. My boyfriend didn't know that I was pregnant because we hadn't planned it. For the first time in my life, I had to face a difficult situation that required a courageous action. I was a college student whose school expenses depended on financial aid and family support. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby.
I come from an immigrant family and was the only child who could attend college. I was always told that finishing college was my first priority. Strongly believing in education, my parents sacrificed a great deal to see that I was provided with quality education. However, if I told them what was happening to me, I was afraid that they would be disappointed and wouldn't be forgive me. Though, I decided to keep my baby and confided to my parents.
Although I don't remember exactly how our conversation went on that day, I was aware that it was an extremely uneasy moment for me. It was hard for my parents to accept the truth. They were astounded and frustrated. They suggested that I should have an abortion and continued my education; otherwise, they wouldn't support me with my finance.
I knew that being a single mother was not an easy task, especially, I had to deal with my own finance. Eventually, I had to search for a full-time job everywhere, from an Internet to a newspaper. Luckily, I had found a full-time job and obtained heath insurance covered for my baby and myself. But most importantly, I was interested in the job I was doing. I worked as a maternity care assistant at the OB doctor's office, and I decided to continue my education in the medical field.
I was surprised to discover that I had so much energy, which allowed me to work at the daytime and go to school during nighttime. Maybe it was because of the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much stronger. I have come to realize that life doesn't go as smoothly as we expect sometimes. Yet, at low point in our lives, and under difficult circumstances, we need to respond with courageous action
I think this is written very clearly and to the point, good job :) I am fairly new at revising, so I don't know that I am right in the corrections I have made, but I hope this helps
I was shocked when the doctor announced that I was pregnant. I didn't expect a pregnancy at this time, when my relationship had ended a month ago.Being that my relationship had ended a month earlier, I was not expecting a pregnancy.My boyfriend didn't know that I was pregnant because we hadn't planned it. For the first time in my life, I had to face a difficult situation that required a courageous action. I was a college student whose school expenses depended on financial aid and family support. I was afraidMy main concern was that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby.
I come from an immigrant family and was the only child who could attend college. I was always told that finishing college was my first priority. Strongly believing in educationBeing that my parents are strong believers in education, , my parents they sacrificed a great deal to see that I was provided with a quality education. However, if I told them what was happening to meof my pregnancy , I was afraid that they would be disappointed and wouldn't be able forgive me. ThoughRegardless , I decided to keep my baby and confidedconfide into my parents.
Although I don't remember exactly how our conversation went on that day, I was aware that it was an extremely uneasy moment for me. It was hard for my parents to accept the truth. They were astounded and frustrated. They suggested that I should have an abortion and continuedcontinue my education; otherwise, they wouldn't support me with my finances .
I knew that being a single mother was not an easy task, especially, I hadconsidering the fact that I would have to deal with my own finances . Eventually, I had to search for a full-time job.I looked everywhere, from anthe Internet to athe newspaper. Luckily, I had found a full-time job and obtained heathhealth insurance which covered for my baby and myselfme . But most importantly, I was actually interested in the job I was doing. I worked as a maternity care assistant at the OB doctor's office, and I decided to continue my education in the medical field.
I was surprised to discover that I had so much energy, which allowed me to work at the daytimeduring the day and go to school during nighttimeat night . Maybe it was because ofI believe it was the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much strongerstrong . I have come to realize that life doesn't go as smoothly as we expect sometimes. Yet, at low point in our lives, and under difficult circumstances, we need to respond with courageous action
I think you should start on a rather dramatic note. :) For example: "The doctor walked into the room, a solemn expression on his face; I had no idea that the news he was about to give me would change my life." Then...
I was shocked when the doctor announced that I was pregnant.I didn't expect a pregnancy at this time, when my relationship had ended a month ago. My boyfriend didn't know that I was pregnant because we hadn't planned it.Seeing that my boyfriend and I broke up a month earlier, the pregnancy was a complete surprise. For the first time in my life, I had to face a difficult situation that required a courageous action. I was a college student whose school expenses depended on financial aid and family support. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby.
I come from an immigrant family and was the only child who could attend college. I was always told that finishing college was my first priority. Strongly believing in education, my parents sacrificed a great deal to see that I was provided with quality education. However, if I told them what was happening to me, I was afraid that they would be disappointed and wouldn't be forgive me. Though, I decided to keep my baby and confided to my parents.
Although I don't remember exactly how our conversation went on that day, I was aware that it was an extremely uneasy moment for me. It was hard for my parents to accept the truth. They were astounded and frustrated. They suggested that I should have an abortion and continued my education; otherwise, they wouldn't support me with my finance.
I knew that being a single mother was not an easy task, especially, I had to deal with my own finance . Eventually, I had to search for a full-time job everywhere, from anthe Internet to a newspaper. Luckily, I had found a full-time jobfound one and obtained heath insurance covered for my baby and myself for me and my baby. But most importantly, I was interested in the job I was doing. I worked as a maternity care assistant at the OB doctor's office, and I decided to continue my education in the medical field.
I was surprised to discover that I had so much energy, which allowed me to work at the daytime and go to school during nighttime. Maybe it was because of the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much stronger. I have come to realize that life doesn't go as smoothly as we expect sometimes. Yet, at low point in our lives, and under difficult circumstances, we need to respond with courageous action
Thanks Jellyroll and northerlywind, I will consider for both of the revises, since I'm not a good writer for introduction, I know that I can skip that part first and comeback later. Somehow, it's weird for me to write the body first, I learn to kick the habit.
Maybe it was because of the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much stronger.
Oh, so... there is no introduction paragraph? These are all body paragraphs? That is interesting. I would teach in the same way: write those body paragraphs. Each paragraph = one idea
After you see all those ideas, you will know your main idea. It is a process of self-discovery, no matter what you are writing about.
Write that thesis statement at the end of the first para.
After you have written all the body paras, write the first para, and then, finally, the conclusion para.
:-)
