IELTS, Doctor nurses and teachers should be paid more than celebrities

Question
Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer

Healthcare is one of the major job sectors where, people can contribute to the welfare of the society. Doctors are treated like God by many and they are respected more by the society, compared to people working in other areas. It is agreed that, healthcare professionals should be given higher salary compared to celebrities. This argument will be proven by analyzing the kind of higher responsibility medical job demands, the amount of time a doctor or nurse works and the academic knowledge they have to possess.

Firstly, doctors and nurses are directly dealing with human life and so the risk and responsibility involved in treating a patient is very high compared to other jobs. For instance, a patient who is undergoing a critical surgery for a serious illness has a high possibility of death and the doctor has to be extra cautious while performing the surgery. As can clearly be seen from the example, healthcare professionals are supposed to show more care and responsibility as the job demands. This shows that they are qualified for a high pay for the nature of their job.

It is also a known fact that, doctors and nurses do not work for a fixed time frame. They are required to be present for an important surgery depending on the condition of the patient or sometimes they would have to overstretch beyond their normal working hours. Healthcare professionals are also academically brilliant and they are supposed to be abreast with the latest treatment methodologies and new medicines and medical practices. All the above factors lead to the fact that their job demands high salary for the effort they make.

To conclude, after analyzing the facts pertaining to healthcare jobs like responsibility, risk etc and also the academic knowledge a doctor should possess it is clear that they have every right to get a more pay than celebrities. It is expected that the high salary will attract more and more young people to pursue a career in health field.

that was great... dont need much correction... good expression and best points... is length the matter? for a many more points can be included if the length of article has no restrictions

BEST OF LUCK... :)

Thanks :-).

Yes for IELTS task 2 the should not exceed 260-280 words..

"abreast with the latest treatment methodologies" --keep abreast of the latest treatment methodologies.
"after analyzing the facts pertaining to healthcare jobs like responsibility, risk etc and also the academic knowledge a doctor should possess it is clear that they have every right to get a more pay than celebrities" ----After analyzing the facts above, it is clear that they are worth to get a more pay than celebrities. you should not repeat the reasons without paraphrasing.

Any, recognize your attempt. Good luck

But in the conclusion aren't we supposed to mention the topics we discussed and this ensures cohesion too.. I'm confused.

.... why you refer to jobs here? It would be more effective if you leave out that word;
Healthcare is one of the most important sectors in a society and it needs to be given due care for ensuring the well being of the people.


... Compared to the people in other professions , doctors get the highest regard by many.
You display good writing skills. Wish you all the best !

I think it is compulsory to give your view in the conclusion. It's ok if you want to summarize your reasons you mention in the body paragraph. But you should paraphrase them to make your writing better.