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Doing activities in a short time or live life in slow pace?


hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 27, 2014   #1
Hi everyone. I need your help to understand my mistakes. please help me to find them:-)
Subject : Some people are always in hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take time and live life in slow pace.

Time is gold. Some people try to do their works in a short time, while others prefer to enjoy their time and live life at a slower pace. It seems to me that every moment of our lives is valuable and we should not waste it.

Nowadays, we have a plenty of duties to do and they will be not finished. If we do not manage time to do our activities carefully, we may have done the job quickly and it leads to mistakes. Then we will have to do the job again. It will take time and as a result, we may get angry and will not enjoy our lives. By going more slowly, we can do a chore carefully and correctly. For an instance, one of my classmates, after the exam, he was so delighted because he thought that he could solve questions quickly and correctly. However, when the result come out in the board, his result was disappointing, because he made many errors during solving the problems. Thereby he failed, so he must take the course again.

Some people think that they work very hard and quickly, because they can gain more money and would able to enjoy in the future. However, I disagree with these people because we do not know what happens in the future. By watching automobiles in the roads, we can watch many machines try to reach their destinations by high speed. As a result, unfortunately, some of them loose their lives in accidents.

In conclusion, however, we need to manage time to reach our goals, but we should consider the results that may happen in the future. Doing our duties in a short time may cause troubles for us.

GaziF 2 / 7 1  
Aug 27, 2014   #2
However, when the resultscomecame out inon the board, his result was disappointing, because he made many errors duringwhile solving the problems.

I'm not sure but that's what I have found...

By Watching automobiles in the roads, we can watch many machines see how some of the cars try to reach their destinations byat high- speed.

Nowadays, we have a plenty of duties to do and they will be not finishedthere seems to be no end to them .
OP hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 27, 2014   #3
However, when the results come came out in on the board, his result was disappointing, because he made many errors during while solving the problems.

thank you Gazif

I'm not sure but that's what I have found...

I think while is used with a subject and a verb and during is a preposition which is used before a noun

"Nobody spoke during the presentation."
"The phone rang while I was watching TV."
So in my essay 'during' is correct.
Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
Aug 28, 2014   #4
Time is gold

=> a good hook to me :)

It seems to me that every moment of our lives is valuable and we should not waste it.
the topic here ;however, is not clear , so i do not know what exactly you are asked to do. is this topic ending with "discuss both views" or just "give your opinion"? please type the whole topic next time so i would not what does it ask you to do :)

it seems that you did it as a opinion essay, however your point is not so clear to me =.= i understand from the thesis statement that you argee with the 1st argument, but then it seems to go the other way...

so.... mor clarifying thesis statement next time i suppose :D


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