Hello everyone, I just finished writing my summary analysis essay of #likeagirl commercial, and I would be really thankful for anyone who will correct anything wrong in my essay or give me any hints on how to improve it.
Doing it like a girl
How would you react if someone told you that you run, fight or throw like a girl? That's exactly what this commercial is about. Some of us would feel offended if someone told us that we do something like a girl. We would feel weaker and we would lose confidence in ourselves. In my opinion it is not an insult because women are physically weaker than men and that's the main reason why people use this phrase.
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Hello my suggestions and edits are below:
Doing it like a girl ( please capitalize) Titles should be capitalized:)
How would you react if someone told you that you run, fight (,)or throw like a girl? That's ( That is) exactly what this commercial is was about. Some of us ( Who are some of us? Please clarify) would feel offended if someone( Who is someone) told us that we do something like a girl.
( Great introduction start, you really caught my attention, please clarify who are these someones, and some of us, by being specific.)
The ad discussed the stereotypes of acting or performing
( What a clear strong second paragraph! You are clear on what was being shown in the commercial.)
This ad forced attention onto this idea that all genders have been condoning the idea that doing something like a girl means to do so in a weaker, less passionate way. It brought a general stereotype to the surface and showed thousands just how literal it is taken by our generation and why it is one of many that should end. The purpose of the commercial is to encourage girls, especially young ones to keep doing what they are doing, stay strong, and never let anybody make them lose their confidence as long as they believethey're ( they are) doing the right thing, just as young boys are so often told they can do anything, especially when it comes to sports; young girls deserve to be told the same thing.( This sentence is too long, consider dividing it.)
( New paragraph should begin here)
Confidence at a young age can change the direction a person takes as they get older. One of the girls in the commercial stated that "At that point of time, young girls are trying to figure themselves out, and when someone call them weak for doing something like a girl it makes them lose confidence". Another girl said "Why can't like a girl also mean win the race?" Every person who watched this commercial will change his or her perception of the phrase like a girl and will understand that not everything good is done by boys or men, women are as strong as men in everything. They participate in the military; they wrestle, fight, and lead other countries.<(Is this your opinion? I am unclear on whether you are stating as this as fact or giving your opinion please let the reader know.)
The commercial wasn't really fulfilling its purpose of how the phrase "like a girl" is used, because it didn't explain what it truly was about, T(t)he viewer had to replay the commercial a couple of times to actually understand its purpose or what the message it's sending, it also brought the idea to some viewers that the video was an advertisement for tampons. (Is this a fact? Please let the reader know how you found out what the viewers were thinking.)
In the end, this commercial explains to us that we should change the idea of girls as being weak, we should respect girls specially the younger ones in age, Encourage girls to keep doing the right thing, and that we should treat girls or women equally. "Like a girl" should be used as a compliment not an insult.
You have a great controversial topic! I wanted to read more of what you thought. Great start! I would suggest that you please be specific on who's argument you are describing. You move back and forth between the viewers, your thoughts, and general facts and opinions. Statements like "(In my opinion..)(Studies found that...) ( Viewers opinions were...) will help. This will make your essay much clearer...and stronger! Grammar was very good overall. Good Luck on your revisions:)
Just a suggestion:)
The purpose of the commercial is to encourage girls, especially young ones to keep doing what they are doing, stay strong, and never lose their confidence, and to do the right thing. On the other hand, young boys are often told they can do anything, especially when it comes to sports. I feel young girls deserve to be told the same thing.
The essay looks great! I love the quotes! Great progress!!
