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"doing the same things and avoiding change?" - my target is 7 band


ben123 1 / 1  
Apr 10, 2011   #1
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think
that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

This in my first essay to prepare for IELTS. Please give me a straightful comments. I need to score a band 7 in my coming IELTS. Can I? Thank you very much.

In essense, most of people have a need to be safe and feel security in what they are doing and where they are living respectively. They resist changes due to many reasons. However, it is my opinion that the change is a good behavior to keep up with our uncertain world.

In some ways, people who resist the changes because they think of what they will lose rather than what they may gain. From this point, It is very hard for them to learn new skills to use a new technology to perform the jobs. Psychologically, they do not want to change the ways and what they have done to what they are not familiar with. Take farmers as an example. They may avoid adopting advanced technology to cut grapes in agriculture field because in this sense, he has to study how to function the machine properly or he may lose the job. he feels insecurity and refuses to apply new technology in agriculture sector.

However, the change often brings new opportunities to those who are flexible and adaptive to uncertain life. It can not be denied that future is unpredictable. New technology has emerged so fast that no one is able to know up front how jobs and lives are going to be. In other words, changing is a process, situation or setting can signal improvement. For example, if workers in the farm know how to use the cutting machine effectively, they might receive incentives from thier boss for a more productive operation system.

Utimately, It is my advice that change always happens when forces for change are greater than the forces remaining the same. People need to be well-educated, communicated properly to understand that changes are logical and rational to adapt to their living environment.

jamliu0229 9 / 24  
Apr 10, 2011   #2
In essense In contemporary society, mostof people have a ,in essense,need to be safe and feel security in what they are doing and where they are living respectively. They resist changes due to many reasons. However, it is my opinion that theaccepting change is more easiera good behavior to keep up with thetimesour uncertainworld .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Apr 11, 2011   #3
You don't need "of" when you say "most people."

In essence , most of people have a need to be safe and feel security in what they are doing and where they are living. respectively .

Capitalize the first letter of every sentence:
...lose the job. he He feels insecurity and refuses to ...

Do not capitalize unnecessarily:
Utimately, It it is my advice that change always happens when forces for change are greater than the forces that keep things the same. I agree!

:-)
OP ben123 1 / 1  
Apr 11, 2011   #4
Wow Kevin.Thanks you all. I am trying to get band 7


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