Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Doing social activities make a strong effect on student's personality; libraries vs sports support


maryailt 4 / 10 1  
Oct 8, 2014   #1
please help me with this!

Do you agree or disagree:
At universities and colleges sports and other social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial supports.

It is undeniable that social activities like sport are popular topics which have caused heated debate over a long period of time because they affect everybody in his daily lives. Depending on personal experience, personality type, and emotional concern, people differ greatly in their attitudes towards this issue. We find that some people hold the idea that sports and social activities are very important just like the other courses at university; on the contrary, others maintain that we shouldn't waste the money for these kinds of activities. From my point of view, social activities at universities or colleges are as important as other classes and should receive equal financial support. There exist countless factors which influence this opinion; two of those are the effect of social activities on student's characters and the other is the feeling of comfort and relaxed that the students will receive by doing social activities.

The main aspect to point out is that doing social activities make a strong effect on student's personality. it can improve their confidence and make them ready to deal with the problems they may have during their study and also they will be learned very efficiently by working in groups and being in touch with other students.

A further more subtle point is that by doing social activities specially sports, students feel fresh and they are more relax and comfort. Students who do these activities have fewer errors in their job at university. for example when I was at university we have sport class every Saturday I was very excited the day before my class and I felt really fresh when it got finished.

From what has been discussed above, we may finally reach the conclusion that social activities and sports are just as important as classes and other courses and universities and colleges should spend equal money to develop them.

Smile_Jen 2 / 4 2  
Oct 8, 2014   #2
in my view, your conclusion is not clear.As you said " From what has been discussed above, we may finally reach the conclusion that social activities and sports are just as important as classes and other courses and universities and colleges should spend equal money to develop them." How about is libraries ?

and you should not repeat the question for conclusion but the paraphase is better.
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Oct 8, 2014   #3
First and foremost, you should make it clear where is your introduction, body and conclusion. Pay attention to the "layout"...

Secondly, some of your sentences are really long and confusing and therefore, it is difficult to follow.
For example :
We find that some people hold the idea that sports and social activities are very important just like the other courses at university; on the contrary, others maintain that we shouldn't waste the money for these kinds of activities.

Finally, work on your coherence and cohesion, because there is no strict "borders" between intro, body and conclusion in your essay.

Hope it helps:)


Home / Writing Feedback / Doing social activities make a strong effect on student's personality; libraries vs sports support