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Are we always doing things that we enjoy? IELTS


gyal 3 / 5  
Apr 8, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reason and example to support you answer.

Yes I m agree this statement. Some people are going things that there are not enjoy doing. In this world they have verity of situation and it not mean what they are doing something that all are he or she had interested and enjoy to doing this. So here I have some reasons and examples for my agreement.

Firstly, in some country they have very concern and respect for their traditional.(hi friend i am not sure that its a traditional,) For example the young people must be accept for arrangement marriage, but in the modern life most of young people are not interest and enjoy for this kind of marriage and they want their choice. That is parents demand and forces to do that. That life is not perfect and some in cause young people are suicide them self.

Secondly, in some business family they have rule like that. If father of their family is dead or sick. The first son will take care all the response the family matter and take their business. But son don't interest in business and his major subject is others and not related to the business. Then that is their rule and must be follow it.

Thirdly, in the school some of students not interest and willing to do study but that is parents force to do it and they thought that without education we cannot job in future. but its like wasting their time and money spending on children.

In finally I would to like to say that. Everybody wants to do what they want or wish to do. But in this circumstance is very hard to do and some things we must be follow the rule of traditional and parents orders. So this is some people are doing something is not enjoy doing.

P.s hi friend i m not sure that in my first reason is traditional or not. thank you for your help....
eileenalien 8 / 20 4  
Apr 8, 2013   #2
are going

going for/ going about is better

verity of situation

varity of situations maybe...

In this world they have verity of situation and it not mean what they are doing something that all are he or she had interested and enjoy to doing this

This sentence confused me.

country

countries

are suicide

commit suicide is enough.
....
There were some grammar mistakes in your essay. I haven't pointed all of them out.

As for the first reason, I don't think it is a proper one. But I cannot figure out the reason. Sorry.
abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 8, 2013   #3
Hi gyal, I will provide a line by line correction. Experts and moderators will have to help with overall content.

Yes I m agree this statement.--------> Yes I agree with this statement ( actually not a very good way to start)

Some people are going things that there are not enjoy doing.-----> Some people do things they actually do not enjoy doing.

In this world they have verity of situation and it not mean what they are doing something that all are he or she had interested and enjoy to doing this. --------> There are lot of reasons for them to do so.

So here I have some reasons and examples for my agreement.-----> Following are the arguments from my side.

Firstly, in some country they have very concern and respect for their traditional.(hi friend i am not sure that its a traditional,) -------> In some countries people are tightly bound by their culture.

For example the young people must be accept for arrangement marriage,----->For example, for marriage ready sons or daughters an alliance is arranged by their parents. ( can be simpler)

but in the modern life most of young people are not interest and enjoy for this kind of marriage and they want their choice.-----> but nowadays young people are not interested in arranged marriages.

That is parents demand and forces to do that. ----> Parents sometimes force their children for it.

That life is not perfect and some in cause young people are suicide them self. ---> this leads to a stressful life causing young couples to commit suicide.

Secondly, in some business family they have rule like that. If father of their family is dead or sick. The first son will take care all the response the family matter and take their business.------> Some business families have a rule that if the father falls sick or passes away, the eldest son has to take his place.

But son don't interest in business and his major subject is others and not related to the business.---> The son might have different interests than continuing with the family business.

Then that is their rule and must be follow it.----> But he still has to follow the family tradition.

Thirdly, in the school some of students not interest and willing to do study but that is parents force to do it and they thought that without education we cannot job in future.----> Furthermore some children are not interested in academics however their parents force them to attend school, stating that without proper education they will not be able to find good jobs later.

but its like wasting their time and money spending on children. ---> Parents are actually wasting their time and money on such kids.

In finally I would to like to say that. Everybody wants to do what they want or wish to do. -----> As a conclusion i would like to say that everybody should be free to do what they want.

But in this circumstance is very hard to do and some things we must be follow the rule of traditional and parents orders. -----> It is not always possible to follow ones heart as there traditions and parent's wishes to cater to.

So this is some people are doing something is not enjoy doing. -------> that is why some people do things they actually do not enjoy doing.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 8, 2013   #4
Hi,
First, I have a small request for you. Please provide a meaningful subject when you post your essay. This topic should well describe your essay :)

Yes I m agree this statement.

I guess I commented about this in one of your previous essays too. It's better to start with introducing your topic. Then state your opinion.

Also this is not grammatically correct. It should be;
I am agreeing / I agree

Some people are going things that there are not enjoy doing.

... going? a typo? ... this is not well presented;
Some people engage in things that they do not really enjoy
You need to pay lots of attention to grammar. Start working on it now itself.
OP gyal 3 / 5  
Apr 9, 2013   #5
hi
thank you for help and i know , i m very poor in grammar . but i felt so lazy to learn that. what shell i do. i have no confident to give this exam....
abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 9, 2013   #6
gyal
Hi gyal, get a copy of Wren and Martin and start practicing your grammar. It takes time but would be worth the effort.
All the best
George
homsai 11 / 24 5  
Apr 9, 2013   #7
"Yes I m agree this statement." looks informal, which should not happen in IELTS Writing test,
Maybe you can write "I am agree with the view that individuals benefit from doing something they do not enjoy."
OP gyal 3 / 5  
Apr 9, 2013   #8
Hi georgege .
a copy of Wren and Martin and start practicing your grammar.
copy from whom...??????
any way thank you ...


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