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TOEFL - domestic cars will not be considered as a reasonable way to work commuting


zjs92 1 / 1  
Feb 10, 2011   #1
Well´╝î I am new here. So glad to find such a forum to improve my English and make friend. And this is my first time to post my essay in a forum. And I hope to get some advices from you guys.:)

Looking back at the tracks of the development of public transportation, it is not an arduous task to draw my conclusion that there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

To start with, traffic jam is one of the most significant factors that prevent people keep using a car. The traffic jam being everywhere, car owners have a crave to getting an efficient way to go to work, which means they are more likely to take undergrounds, maglevs, or other means of public transportation for reaching the workplace. In addition, traffic jam also attributes to the increasing rate of traffic accident. Based on a survey raised by a famous website, bad mood ranks number five among the most affective reasons causing a traffic accident. Since that nobody will feel delight when he comes across a traffic jam, traffic jam increased the possibility of getting a car accident in some way. Thus, the amount of car will decrease.

Besides, car pollutes the environment. No wonder that the number of people who shed light on environment is increasing substantially.From the perspective of environmental friendly, tremendous people will give up using a car. Like my uncle, he is a man who keeps an environmental friendly lifestyle. He started riding a bicycle to the workplace about 6 years ago. When people ask him why he keeps a distance from his car, he insists that going work by bicycle is not only a way benefits his own health but also a way never pollutes the environment. Concerned about the environment, cars will be fewer.

Last but not the least, the public transportation will be well developed at that time. It will be much cheaper and more convenient to take a bus or subway than driving a car than today.For the masses, there is still a gap bridged by their economic conditions blocking their owning a car. So they can only take the public transportation as a tool.

In a nutshell, there is a more time-efficient, cost-efficient and environment friendly way to take for going to the work, domestic cars will not be considered as a reasonable option. As a result, in twenty years, cars will be fewer than today.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 11, 2011   #2
The traffic jams are plural. Instead of saying jam---> is
say
jams ___> are
or jams---> represent.
The Jams = a problem, so we say they represent the problem:
To start with, traffic jams represent one of the most significant factors that prevent people from continuing to use their cars.qusing a car. The traffic jams being everywhere, car owners have a crave to getting desire to find an efficient way to go to work, which means they are more likely to take undergrounds, maglevs, or other means of public transportation for traveling to the workplace.

In addition, traffic jams also attributes contribute to the increasing rate of traffic accidents .

Besides Additionally, cars pollute the environment.

It is no wonder that the number of people who shed light on worry about the environment is increasing substantially.

In a nutshell, there is a more time-efficient, cost-efficient and environmentally friendly way to take method for going to the work, so domestic cars will not be considered as a reasonable option. As a result, in twenty years, cars will be fewer than today.--nice ending!! You still have errors, but you are doing SO well!! I am impressed. Please keep practicing with us at EssayForum.

:-)
OP zjs92 1 / 1  
Feb 11, 2011   #3
Thanks a lot, Kevin.


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