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TOEFL..Dormitory or apartment? Which is better for students to choose?


here2study 6 / 14  
May 9, 2014   #1
Hello..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my another essay..Please check it and give your inputs on it..

Thanks,
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Question:- Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.

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When it comes to the issue of choosing an accommodation after completion of their high school, most students always get confused between these two options: living in an apartment, or in university dormitories. As far as I am concerned, both choices have their own advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, living in a dormitory helps students to familiarize themselves with the academic environment of the university. For instance, students can have an opportunity to take part in many kind of extracurricular activities happing around the campus such as attending conversation club, or joining sports club. Students can also have more chance of interaction with their teachers and classmates. In addition, it is easier for students to get help when facing problem such as if students have problem in solving their math question, they can easily ask for help to their roommates, classmates, or teachers. I think living in dormitory is always helpful to students.

On the other hand, living off campus prepares students for the real life. For example, students can learn many new things such as how to become responsible, independent, punctual, co-operative compared to living in university dormitories. They are responsible to take care of everything including paying their apartment rent on time, and dealing with the utility bills. In addition, students also have to focus on their study, and try to maintain their grades higher. Furthermore, students also have a chance to know about the community around them. Interacting with the people, and socializing with them prepares students for the life after graduation.

From given the evidences, it seems to me that it becomes hard for students to choose between their living options since both living accommodation have its own benefits. If I have to choose, I would definitely choose the second option: living in an apartment. I think that it teaches me everything that I certainly wants to learn in my life because learning all those characteristics would really help me in leading successful life.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 9, 2014   #2
For instance, students can have an opportunity to take part in many kindof extracurricular activities happing aroundin the campus such as attending conversation club, or joining sports club.becoming members of clubs and societies, engaging in sports activities etc.

Students can also have more chance of interaction with their teachers and classmates.

Students would get better networking opportunities with their teachers and fellow students.
OP here2study 6 / 14  
May 9, 2014   #3
Thanks dumi. I appreciate your comment..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 9, 2014   #4
you are welcome :) In fact you write so well and I think you can aim for a very good score for this task at TOEFL. Had you managed time well for this essay, I feel you are now ready for taking up this task. You can now concentrate more on the other tasks :)

From given the evidences, it seems to me that it becomes hard for students to choose between their living options since both living accommodation types have its own benefits.

This is just a tip - You can have standard phrases like "In conclusion", "Considering the above reasons" (I vote for the first one) that fits well with any topic. It helps you save time at the exam. The main objective should be to complete your essay with all essential features within the given time.
brisky 5 / 13 2  
May 9, 2014   #5
students can have an opportunity to take part in many
kind of extracurricular activities happing around the campus such as attending conversation club, or
joining sports club. Students can also have more chance of interaction with their teachers and
classmates. In addition, it is easier for students to get help when facing problem such as if students
have problem in solving their math question, they can easily ask for help to their roommates,
classmates, or teachers. I think living in dormitory is always helpful to students

instead of using students... use they... I think itzz better

very good essay and well said
OP here2study 6 / 14  
May 11, 2014   #6
Thanks again dumi..I know you are right, but I want to do more practice on writing till my exam..Could you please help me in my writing?
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 11, 2014   #7
Yes, she will for sure :D and so do we too :)

As dumi keeps telling, I too feel that you write pretty well :) However, I wish you include examples (mostly in specific nature) to support your reasoning.
OP here2study 6 / 14  
May 12, 2014   #8
Thank you very much for the comments pahan...

I am trying to improve my introduction as you mentioned before...And sure I will be very specific on my next essay about examples and details..

You guys are really helpful..and I appreciate it ..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 13, 2014   #9
Thanks again dumi..I know you are right, but I want to do more practice on writing till my exam..Could you please help me in my writing?

Yes, I will help you improve your writing and gain a good score at TOEFL. However, I see you have already been suspended and cannot have access to your threads. I can help you only for this time, but you need to make sure that you provide meaningful contributions to others' threads to stay active in the forum. Do not provide comments like "good essay" , "overall good writing" :D


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