Health
There is no doubt that most of the people consider health as a major part of their life. Deferent aspect of health, such as physical and psycologicall, have a important role in human life. In this essay I will delv into about health.
To beginning, for every society, prior anything government and people must consider about sedentary life and some problem that related this issue. Many of people have worked in office or some jobs that have low activity, that lead to dangerious disease like blood pressesor or heart attack.
Another subject that I would notice is eating behavior which is important issue related to health.
In this modern era human eating attitude have changed from healthy food into unhealthy food included junk food and pita.
According to study of researchers, fast food lead to lots of body problem such as obesity and diabet that is very harmful for people, especially for children that is target of advertisement of company.
Some scientistes demonstrate that number of children have suffering from obesity.
For solve these problem people need to changes in their ways of life, for instant choose healthy food rather that fast food, and do regular exercise . Government also need to allocate money for make educational program for increase people knowledge about correct ways of living that motivate them for better life. Another job for government is deducate good budget for insurance people, which is very useful for people future.
your essay is straightforward to comprehend. Your supporting ideas is obvious but you should put your sentences in a good way, such as adding comma between adverb and sentences.
I find this topic very intriguing, and your essay is really interesting. However, this essay does have several grammatical mistakes. Please print this essay and read it aloud. This helps in recognizing errors more than reading it of the screen would.
Good luck!
your essay is straightforward to comprehend. Your supporting ideas is obvious but you should put your sentences in a good way, such as adding comma between adverb and sentences.
Deferent aspect of health, such as physical and psycologicall, have a important role in human life. In this essay I will delv into about health.
Different aspects of health, such as physical and psychological, have an important role in human life. In this essay I will delve into the subject of health.
You need to use your spellcheck on the computer, and/or a dictionary. You will make a better impression, to the teacher, or any reader if you spell, correctly. Also you need to hone your sentence structure. Your use of verbs could be improved by consulting a grammar textbook.
Some scientistes demonstrate that number of children have suffering from obesity.
Some scientists have demonstrated, that great numbers of children, suffer from obesity.
Again, your use of verbs needs clarification. I think you could look up rules of use, if you don't have a textbook, online.
In general your structure is sound, with one paragraph for intro, and one for conclusion, and the three to explain major health problems.
I wonder if your conclusion would be better if you left out the part about insurance people. How does that relate? Do you mean health insurance? Yes that is helpful, if that's what you mean. Perhaps you could tie it into the government, by mentioning the Affordable Care Act.
Just needs a little attention, mostly spelling and verb usage. Otherwise, a fine essay with real potential. You seem to have a point to make, and you made it. Some of your paragraphs are a little short. Elaborate the points, then.
Good luck!
ef_carol
Hi, kindly find my feedback on your first paragraph.
There is a contradiction in your first sentence: There is no doubt that most of the people consider health as a major part of their life.
If there is no doubt, then why most people only in consideration stage instead of finally reached the conclusion that health is a major part?
Make sure you have eliminated all typos: deferent, psycologicall, delv
