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Drawing from the themes of a prompt - Hope


LeighV 1 / -  
Feb 21, 2015   #1
"Hope. Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier'..."

When faced with difficult circumstances, human beings often break away from reality and delve into their imaginations. Through the power of imagination, humans' are able to envision a different life, another possibility from their current predicaments. Often, these emotions invoke a powerful sensation within the individual, driving them to believe in the power of hope and that things will get better. Cases of this example are exhibited in modern day society, where academic tests are the norm, and individuals striving to better themselves in life must depend on the finality of their test scores. However, sometimes striving for hope and lead to more

The Gaokao is the epitome of Chinese education and is often the only way for high school students to enter university. The use of the Gaokao has caused a educational disparity between regional and city students', with regional students often scoring lower than their peers residing in the city. One such student is Wei Chong, a rural student from a farming family. As depicted in the New York Time's article as a hard working student, Wei Chong's reasons for wanting to do well in the Gaokao stem from the fact that by being successful in the exam, he will be able to leave the poverty that is apparent in his entire family. As well as this, he is aware of the challenges that face him, such as the exam itself, as well as the fact that he is inherently disadvantaged from the start. By being optimistic of his surroundings, and truly believing in his abilities, Wei is hopeful that he will do well, and through this, he can lead a better life than most of his family. However, not all cases of remaining hopeful can invoke a sense of happiness within an individual.

Recent celebrity mental illnesses often highlight society's idea into avoiding this sensitive discussion. With the recent death of Robin Williams, the discussion of depression with society today has exploded. Psychologist's and psychiatrist's discussed the leading cause of why Robin William's had committed suicide due to his lack of an optimistic life, which is a characteristic of all individuals living with depression. When faced with an uncertain future, or even a bleak future, these individuals often live within a world of repeated negative thoughts. That is, if things are looking sad now, who is to say that it will get better in the future? This sense of questioning one's life eventually leads the individual to take, possibly, drastic measures into their own hands. In this instance, by relinquishing hope, in favour of pessimism or even anxiety, an individual loses their chances of feeling happy.

As human beings, we are often exposed to a range of different circumstances that affect our way of thinking. Through the power of optimism, one can envision their future and in doing so, remain hopeful of their current predicaments. This allows an individual to feel happy despite their circumstances, as they have something to "look forward to". If one were to relinquish this sense of hope and optimism, in favour of angst and anxiety, then it is quite possible for the individual to feel unhappy with their situation.
EF_Season - / 21 14  
Feb 22, 2015   #2
Hi LeighV!

Your essay raises a number of thoughts and question for me, which I hope (ha!) you will find useful.

To begin let's look at the framing. You start this essay with a lovely quote (which should be cited, by the way), that ""Hope. Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier'..." But then you close your essay on a level of anxiety with "If one were to relinquish this sense of hope and optimism, in favour of angst and anxiety, then it is quite possible for the individual to feel unhappy with their situation." Were I to only read only your opening and closing remarks, my thought would be that you are arguing AGAINST "hope," which you clearly aren't as I delve further into your essay. Remember that EVERY work, every sentence conveys your ideas and you want to make sure that you're using the pieces (sentences/words) to accurately display what you want to SAY in the essay.

And you do have a lot to say. I especially liked your discussion of Wei Chong's almost "hard luck" story. Do you think that this experience is different than, say, an American's experience trying to move out of poverty? How is the hope the same or different? Not that you need to include this experience; however, it is a little disjointed to move from Wei Chong to Robin Williams and his story. How are these two stories related? Do you need to relate the stories you include within your essay? Should you choose to do so, what about your essay might be strengthened or weakened?

A note on grammar/syntax. Generally speaking when you write in a singular voice you must match that singular throughout the sentence. Here is an example from your essay: within the individual, driving them . In this instance you articulate a single individual so the correct grammar is to refer to that individual as he or she instead of "them." While this may seem like a small point, doing so illustrates a mastery of the English language.

Finally, make sure you check your punctuation. There are places with punctuation missing in this essay.

Overall I enjoyed reading your essay, LeighV! Good luck! EF_Season


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