Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Should drug companies make their drugs more available for third world countries?

mae 1 / -  
Jun 21, 2012   #1
Hey, it's the first time after leaving school, which is more than 10 years, that I have to write an essay. Additional , not in my mother language. Even though, it's not a long one I have some issues by getting the right ideas straight. For this one, I ,needed more than 1.5 hours. The time what's given at the ielts test is 40 min...so I'm a bit worried. Thank you already for your help.

Providing Drugs and Clean Water for Third-Word Countries

If the drug companies have the responsibility to offer better access to their products in third world countries by lowering their prices, has been a longtime subject of intense debate with not just one correct answer. In this essay, I will discuss some example from my point of view.

No one can deny, that too many people in still developing countries suffer unnecessary from too many curable diseases. Most of them however, die in the end. Nevertheless we should ask ourselves, if offering a better access to prescription drugs will solve that problem. We must acknowledge that the Drugindustry is a "money making business" and that won't sell a product if it is not profitable. However, if they do give their products away for an reasonable price, eventually someone has to pay. Again, or taxes would increase but the diseases would still spread around the countries and no one would be satisfied in the end.

Nevertheless, some action needs to be taken. Unsanitary conditions and a lack of drinkable water is the main issue in those countries. I want to point out the biggest slum in the world, Dharavi in Bombay, India. More than 1 million people live and work in there. They also have to share a handful toilets. I don't really have to illustrate, in what conditions those facilities can be found. However, because of the number of people living in this slum, they have to keep the houses as small as possible. Therefore it is not possible for them, to experience the luxury of their own bathroom. However, because of the lack of hygiene and the smell of the community toilett facilities, they prefer to use a big backyard. In addition, this backyard is used by children to play with their friends. The chance to to pass some diseases to someone else is high and as a result is that many people die of a simple diarrhea , because they can't afford to see a doctor.

To sum up, not only providing cheap drugs is necessary to stop this chain but providing a clean and sanatized environment and potable water would help to solve that problem from where it begun.

krishnakant 1 / 4  
Jun 22, 2012   #2
I go through your last two paragraphs. I feel that content is less its better if you can elaborate the specific details. I do not feel any connection between your example i.e. Dharavi and the topic except the last line "they can't afford to see a doctor." In this example you have describe the situation of slum people but main topic is different. its better if you would have given the example of " vaccination of polio " in India instead this. ex: 10 year ago, there were lots of children suffering from polio. For removing this virus from India, drug companies and goverment of India decided to distributed the polio vaccine in free and now a days India is Polio free country. U can elaborate this example to support your essay.

For timing: If you have lots of time for preparation(1-2 month) then its ok, after practice you will manage your time but if you have only one week then practice more and more.

All the best

Home / Writing Feedback / Should drug companies make their drugs more available for third world countries?