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Due to the internet invention, the world is getting smaller by connecting people - task 2

Sushine510 1 / -  
Feb 24, 2019   #1

"flat world"

Topic: Some people say that the Internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller.
Do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

It is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the term "flat world" which means that the world today is easier for everyone to reach each other. I completely agree with the opinion that thanks to the internet, the world is getting smaller by connecting people.

On an individual level, I believe that the internet has significantly contributed to the way people improve their social relationship. To take social media as an example, people nowadays are really familiar with some platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Zalo and Twitter where anyone could share their own news and views and discuss them with other people. On top of these, Youtube would be the most effective one from which an individual could create a helpful source of information about a specific filed while everyone could contribute their ideas in the comment box. Therefore, a person could meet with her ideal models or someone in the same interests and might have a chance to connect with them through those social media channels.

From a business perspective, the internet also has a vital role to play in term of building a relationship with customers. Many careers use the internet to reach their clients by providing their products or services and give a consultation promptly through their website. By doing this, except for the benefit of keeping in touch with potential customers, the quality of companies' service would be improved and satisfy the demand of their clients.

In conclusion, it can be seen that the invention of the internet has made an outstanding breakthrough which gives people more chance to get close together.

Iscoo 1 / 3  
Feb 24, 2019   #2
Depending on the letter count, I think it would be great to add more resources and background informations as to why you thought the internet has brought people together. Strong first paragraph, but it slowly fades away to the conclusion, making your point almost invalid. Great skeletal structure, however (imho) I think you should add more muscles into it to backup your opinion. Goodluck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,743 3076  
Feb 25, 2019   #3
It is better to not get too creative with your terms used in the essay. While you will be impressing the examiner with the term "flat world", you will also be creating a prompt deviation as you have to explain what the word means to the reader. Just stick to the basic paraphrasing of the original topic along the lines of:

The world is constantly drawing people into a smaller social circle through technology. It is said that this trend helps people better talk to one another. I agree that technology, such as the internet does help to make contacting one another much simpler.

It is more important to use your own words in restating the prompt topic and reason for discussion than it is to introduce a topic, such as "flat world" that could end up taking over the whole essay by changing the restatement. Stick to using English words that will impress by sticking to the original requirements of the task. Don't try to over explain things. Just keep it simple. You only have 40 minutes for this task.

While you wrote just the right number of words for the test, your essay tends to be composed of run-on sentences in the second paragraph. Try to keep the sentences short, using transition phrases whenever possible. You don't need to offer too many examples of social media services The most popular reference would have sufficed. You are not being tested on your knowledge of the topic, just your ability to discuss the topic in English. Don't overdo the information to the point of wanting to become an authority on the issue. Your objective is to explain the essay topic to someone who is a native English speaker, in your own way, using your own words.

Your essay is really informative and you show an admirable ability to use the English language. Based on this writing, I have no doubt that you will pass the test. You just have to bring your writing skills down a notch to fit the test requirements.

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