Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


IELTS Task 1 : Earning in the City of London and Average annual salaries of executives.


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 5, 2014   #1
The pie chart below shows the earning of the City of London for the years 1985 and 1995. These earnings are known as invisible earnings and they showed huge increases in the years studied. The graph shows comparisons between earings for male and female executive in the various financial sectors for the same years.

The pie chart informs percentage income of four categories, while the graph gives the data average annual income of man and woman in the City of London during 10 years, from 1985 and 1995.

Overall, the amount of city's income and executives' salaries had a dramatic rise in the each sector from 1985 to 1995.

In the 1985, a consideration which was improving city's income was insurance sector, also executives who worked in insurance company gained the second position. Moreover, trade areas placed in the third higher position which contributed earning in the City of London and brought salaries for managerial levels. However, the overall growth of income between City of London and executive had more doubled amount of income in last period between 1985 and 1995.

Having said that, in the 1995, trading was being the first sector which provided the highest income for London and 3 sectors followed which were banking in the second, insurance in the third and currency dealing in the last position. As such, the reverse ordering categories with annual salaries of male and female executive in London where currency dealing company gave highest salary for their executive followed by insurance sector in the second place, and banking and trade in the third and fourth position. In the 1985, bank gave the highest income for city, while banking paid their executives with the lowest average annual salaries and reversed condition with currency dealing.



dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 5, 2014   #2
The pie chart informs percentage income of four categories, while the graph gives the data average annual income of manmen and womanwomen executives in the City of London during 10 years, from 1985 and 1995.

Overall, the amount of city's income and executives' salaries had a dramatic rise in the each sector from 1985 to 1995.

This statement holds true for executives salaries, but it is not true for the city's income in each sector. It's only the commodity trading shows the rise for the given period and all other sectors show a down turn in the income generated by their respective sectors. So, your observation is not valid.
Serapke 8 / 14  
Feb 5, 2014   #3
In the 1985, a consideration which was improving city's income was insurance sector , also executives who worked in insurance company gained the second position . Moreover, trade areas placed in the third higher position which contributed earning in the City of London and brought salaries for managerial levels. However, the overall growth of income between City of London and executive had more doubled amount of income in last period

You can't link different information with 'also'.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 5, 2014   #4
hey dumi - Something wrong has happened :( There are two essays by different users (tiaDS and SHanafi) in the same thread :( I remember providing a comment for SHanafi's essay in a different thread. Please have a look :D

@tiaDS - I like your introduction. Your overview is presented well, but you have done a small error there as dumi has explained above.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 5, 2014   #5
Dear dumi and pahan, thanks for your suggestion.

There are the total earning of City of London in the below of pie chart. Based on the information in the chart, from 1985 to 1995 the amount of city's income had increased. So, between earning of City of London and executives' income had inclined from 1985 to 1995.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Earning in the City of London and Average annual salaries of executives.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳