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[toefl]was it easier to find jobs that would lead to a secure future In the past?


scurry 3 / 3 2  
Nov 8, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, it was easier to identify what type of career or job would lead to a secure and successful future.

With the development of society and the growth of population, the competition for jobs is becoming more and more intense. Besides, there are So I think there are no such kind of job can ensure us a successful future in today's society.

As I mentioned, the competition becomes more severe because of the growing population. Young people have to learn more kinds of skills in order to meet the demand of their works. And even so, some people still lost their jobs simply because they will be replaced by others who have more talent. So we have to keep improving ourselves during our career, otherwise we will be fired. So today we cannot make sure that we will get a type of job and never lose it. However, if we were in the past, when the competition was not so intense, there are some kinds of jobs, like teachers and doctors, can provide us secure future lives. A teacher will always be a teacher for the whole life. But today it no longer happens. A university professor may quit his job and start work in a computer software company. And then he may become the manager of his department. Something like this is always happening.

Another reason I believe that lead to the difficulty in identifying a type of job leading to secure life is the rapid changes in society. Our society is changing rapidly every minute today. And it's so easy for every to get the new information. So once there are some kinds of jobs which can lead to a secure future, everybody will know it and try hard to get this kind of job. And then there will too much pressure and competition in applying this job. As a consequence, this job cannot provide a long last successful future anymore, because employees doing this job will be quickly replaced by better ones. So the rapid changes in our society may lead to a result that the type of job that promises a secure future varies from one to another. Compared with today's society, the past society didn't change so frequently and the spread of information is not so quick. So people in the past may identify a job that promises a bright future for them much more easily.

As a consequence of development of society and the growth of population, the jobs in today's society can never promise a long last secure future.

Please give me some advice, thank you so much

phuongnam95 9 / 28  
Nov 8, 2013   #2
First, I don't think the introduction is good. Your reason should not be in the begining.
Second, your example should be a concrete support. I usually use my own experience in life to write examples.
Third, I think that after each paragraph, there should be a concluding sentence to summarize the reason.
Last but not least, your conclusion is not enough. I think that you should have the transition word to signal the end, then restate yourchoice and reason and finish with a comment.

This is my own idea. I think we can together discuss your essay
phuongnam95 9 / 28  
Nov 8, 2013   #3
Besides, there are So I think there are no such kind of job can ensure us a successful future in today's society.

I don't really understand this statement.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 8, 2013   #4
Besides, there are So I think there are no such kind of job can ensure us a successful future in today's society.

This is not a clear sentence :(

First, I don't think the introduction is good. Your reason should not be in the begining.

... I agree... you start with a good hook, but fail to introduce the argument effectively thereafter. Try the structure I already suggested to you in one of your other essays ( for your introduction ). Also you need to align your writing more with your prompt.
sky2586 4 / 10 3  
Nov 8, 2013   #5
However, if we were in the past, when the competition was not so intense, there are some kinds of jobs, like teachers and doctors, can provide us secure future lives.

you already used intense in your first paragraph, try to use synonyms like extreme, fierce etc..
Also, there were some kind ..., that provided us...

Something like this is always happening.

This happens very often nowadays./ We can see this very often nowadays.

So people in the past may identify a job that promises a bright future for them much more easily.

Instead of writing 'people in the past', you can start sentence like 'Earlier, people'.
This can be write like 'Earlier, people were able to identify the jobs...
And, don't try to scribble your thoughts directly on paper. Write-read-write-read each sentence many times before making it final.


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