Hi, I'm Rolin, a new comer here.
I am preparing for TOEFL in this days, but writing an essay often makes me disappointed.
Could you give me some advice on my following essay and writing skills?
Thanks a lot!
1. Does easier-prepared food improve the way people live?
Easier-prepared food! Does it save time to do some other things, instead of just cooking for our family after finishing our own work? We can do many other things to broaden our horizon and board of knowledge. But the bigger question is how it could improve our way we live. Generally, when the food spread around, our way of life begins to change. This essay will discuss the issue of how this kind of food can influent our lifestyle.
Let's assume a white-collar get to work every day. H/she always eats a bowl of instant noodles for the breakfast. Even sometimes, in order to save the time which is spent in having breakfast, she usually drink a bag of milk without eat anything. After couples of months pass, she got a stomach. She goes to see the doctor and asks some advice for her illness. The doctor tells her that she must be ignored eating healthy and balanced. Great many easy-food contain a lot of ingredients which is not good for our health and may cause a disease.
Now, after passing the first break point, then comes another one is the concept of a traditional family. We Chinese people do some house-working to develop our relationship with our family. Of course, cooking is a kind of working, too. Constantly, all the family is getting together to cook a meal, during what time they are talking, laughing and listening some other's words. For instance, on the eve of the spring festival, people often prepare for a dinner with their family. They enjoy the time staying with their family, which is created happiness and we always lost ourselves in it. An observation shows that people can obtain a lot of feelings from cooking meal. So, when it comes to this point, one would definitely not want to buy some easier-prepared food, because it makes us lost the time to get together with our family and the opportunity to cook with our relatives. We may not find a better to improve the relationship between our family, and consequently not lead a better way of life.
To sum up, easier-prepared food cannot make a promotion to our own life and even could cause some consequences. In contrary, traditional Chinese food is more superb which plays an essential role in our health and contribute to a better life.
First of do not copy question, paraphrase is the best option.
Easier-prepared food= ready to eat food products
Very bad introduction. You must divide your paragraphs in logical way.
Introduction: General statement about topic, topic statement, thesis sentence
Body 1: good introduction idea 1 , example (use linking words)
Body 2: Introduction idea 2
Conclusion: I recommend use one method
In conclusion, ....
If.../ some future prediction/ your recommendation
Overall, I am convinced
Don't repeat your language always try to use different words.