hi, everybody. i am looking forward to any revised work or suggestions about the following work. i appreciate any reply. Thank you!!
The following topic is from issue pool of GRE analytical writing.
130."How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
1
Even though I am not willing to admit it, it is true that as far as the situation at present, we indeed have no idea about how to shape children into ones who can perfect our society.
2
When it comes to solve the above problem, the first question we have to answer is "What is GOOD society in real meaning?" Only if we could provide answer to this question, we would establish a suitable education system to help our children become the ones who make our society better and better. However, since we ourselves have no idea what is "a better society" actually, in other words, at least there is no uniform definition of the concept among adults; we will never avoid an embarrassing situation that teachers ask students to answer a question that even they themselves do not know. Only if educators have the idea that children should be shaped into what kind of people, are children likely become the ones.
3
On the other hand, even though there is uniform standard appear in near future for adjusting our understanding about what is a really good society; it is still very difficult to raise children who can contribute to such a society, since we only answer the first question about "what to do" but are still unaware of "how to do". Too many parents hope shaping their children into the other Bill Gates or Steven Jobs, unfortunately, very few succeed. They still failed with very clear-cut object as they are always in the dark about how to do. Undoubtedly, establishing effective method, seeking advisable means are the most important factors contributing to successful education.
4
The above problem, it looks like require children to draw egos. Every art teacher has the same purpose in their mind, which is let children draw an ego into paper which is as similar as possible with the one on the table. However, every teacher observes an ego from distinct angles and then guide children according to their own observations. Imaginably, children portray different images of a same ego with respective guidance. It justly looks like the first situation I mentioned above, which lacking of universal standard of a good society, it is impossible for us to raise children who will establish such an identical society. From another point of view, in reality, there are many unskilled teachers. Even if they reach an agreement that the ego should be drawn from a particular angle, few children finish the painting according to their requirement. Because even they themselves cannot draw a perfect one in the light of what they told to their students, let it alone figuring on children to succeed. This is corresponding to the latter situation I mentioned: many educators are not so skillful and sophisticated that they cannot afford to teach children how to bring about a better society in a uniform meaning.
5
In addition, we have to take the factor of children into consideration. It cannot be excluded that there are certainly parts of children who are far away from talent and intelligence. They are really hard to be shaped into the ones we hope them become. It means even if the most qualified teacher teach them with a uniform standard, they still would not draw at least a similar one more or less looks like the ego on the table. Unfortunately, they are not the ones who are easily shaped for making a better society.
6
All of the three points above illustrate that it is very difficult to raise children to become what we hope them to be, the ones who can perfect our society. This is a formidable task but not unlikely be partially finished. It is still possible that we approach the final goal step by step, as long as we would improve education quality and teach individuals according to their aptitude.
When it comes to solving the above problem, the first question we have to answer is "What is GOOD society in real meaning?"
In the above problem, it looks like require children to draw egos. --- I am confused about this part...
Every art teacher has the same purpose in their mind, which is let children draw an ego into paper which is as similar as possible with the one on the table. --- still, I don't understand.
Use a topic sentence to tell the main idea you are going to express in that paragraph.
So do not write this:
In addition, we have to take the factor of children into consideration.
Instead, Write this:
In addition, we have to take the factor of children into consideration. consider the fact that some children will naturally have more aptitude and ability than others in any given subject.
Please work on that confusing part in the long paragraph that I did not understand! about the ego...
:-)
