Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In terms of realising a healthy lifestyle, people today can be divided by two types. One assumes it is hard to do while other believes it is easy, provided they really intend to be healthy. In this case, I do agree that a healthy lifestyle is a possible thing and easy to be practiced if we have a strong will.
Most people in this modern world have a full-time job with sedentary activities. A reason why they think a healthy lifestyle is difficult to do is because they have no time for preparing some healthy foods, doing some exercises, and having enough rest. Another reason is modern technology makes them lazier because many works can be finished by them. Consequently, fast food can be their choice to satisfy their appetite practically. They also forget to exercise and only have monotone activities. They often work overtime to get more salary. Even though nutrition, exercise and enough rest are three essential elements to keep healthy.
Actually, there is a trick to preserve health. It is called 'discipline'. It does not make sense if someone have to work every time. Having no time can not be a reason anymore for people who believe it is hard to practice a healthy lifestyle. It is just about how to use time properly. Being healthy does not mean they have to exercise every day, but the more important is how to balance the time for working, preparing a healthy food, having enough rest and exercising.
In the end, if people try to make it a habit, it will be easy to have a healthy lifestyle. Nothing is difficult to do, provided they truly implement it. Try to be discipline and use the time as well as possible, start from now.
Hi Risa,
I would like to focus on the content of your essay instead of technical issues that you've experienced because I think you've made quite a serious mistake about your idea development.
First, you've mentioned "In this case, I do agree that a healthy lifestyle is a possible thing and easy to be practiced if we have a strong will." in the last sentence of your introduction. Then, in the first body paragraph you've mentioned about why healthy lifestyle is difficult to be achieved. However, the second body paragraph of your essay stated that "Actually, there is a trick to preserve health. It is called 'discipline'." My question is that where is the STRONG WILL that you've stated earlier? Missing the correlation of ideas would BADLY damage the coherence and cohesion and task response part of your essay. You can just say "people can achieve a good-state of health if they have a strong/iron will to be discipline". This will give a better coherent rather than just mention "discipline".
These are the descriptions of them that I've taken from IELTS writing band descriptors of Task 2.
- presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported(band 4 for task response)
- presents information and ideas but these are NOT arranged coherently (band 4 for coherence and cohesion)
My suggestion is that please be more careful in developing your ideas. You have to correlate what you state in the introduction with the ideas that you mention in body paragraphs and concluding paragraph. Good luck for the next practice :)
... hard to do while others believes it is easy, providedif they really intend ...
Another reason is modern technology makes them lazier because many works can be finished by them =>this sentence is not clear to understand
fast food can be their choice to ...
fast food has become their daily diet because of its appetizing taste and practicality.
there is a trick to preserve health. It is called 'discipline'
one suggestion to maintain our health is that we have to be more discipline.
