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IELTS Easy for poor people to get access to university education


sundin928 12 / 18 10  
Jul 21, 2014   #1
Some groups, such as poor people and people from rural areas, think universities should make it especially easy for them to get access to university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Body paragraph.

It is undeniable that students who live in poverty cannot receive higher education,due to the lack of teacher resources and the limitation of educational equipments,so the government can implement some measures,such as scores plus or tuition waiver,to lower the standard for them. Receiving a higher education enables young people from disadvantaged backgrounds to find employment and increase their satisfaction of life, because they can acquire job skills and stabilize professional knowledge by attending various courses at university.Therefore,not only the living standards can be upgraded,but also the gap between the rich and the poor can be narrowed.

Another benefit of this reformation is that people's internal cultivation and morality can be improved.We should recognize that the crime rate is related to the educational level people acquire,and that what they do reflect their low quality compared to peers.So persuading governments to adopt this new educational reform would be a more effective strategy for lowering the crime rate and guaranteeing the social stability.

On the other hand, although the educational institutions reduce the threshold on poor students , some university students who do not have sufficient intellectual abilities may not be able to obtain a degree eventually.This means that without basic educational background, they can not keep pace with their peers and pass exams at school, resulting in intractability poor students encounter on learning progress.

tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jul 21, 2014   #2
Could you write the introduction and conclusion paragraph? If you deal with IELTS intro-body 1-body 2-conclusion must be written to show that your essay has an excellent cohesion and coherence. In body paragraphs, however, you stand at both views, but I think that it was partially. I don't say it is wrong or true, but if you read writing band descriptor there is a suggestion to make a balance. It means if you have two reasons for disagree side, you must have two reasons for agree side.

Another benefit of this reformation is that people's internal cultivation and morality can be improved....

in my view this part tends to out of context. In the prompt focus on educational topic. In this paragraph you mention the case of crime.
sky1997 2 / 1  
Jul 21, 2014   #3
You could give some examples to support your topic. What's more, you'd better explain a problem form multi - angle. Good luck
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 22, 2014   #4
Well, it is always good to post the full essay .... I mean all parts of the essay including the intro and the conclusion. Your introduction helps us understand the issue and what position you take on that. The body paras should be written accordingly by giving reasons to justify your position and support those reasons with specific examples. So, it is good for us to have a look at the intro too :)

It is undeniable that students who live in poverty cannot receive higher education,due to the lack of teacher resources and the limitation of educational equipments,so the government can implement some measures,such as scores plus or tuition waiver,to lower the standard for them.

This sentence is way too long and the reader has got to memorize so many details to connect all your ideas together. Avoid writing such lengthy sentences as they get the reader bored.


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