Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 10


eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), introductory paragraph


shan 1 / -  
Mar 2, 2009   #1
is this ok for an introductory paragraph
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 2, 2009   #2
This is a very well-written introductory paragraph. You give an overview of your topic and outline all of the main points you plan to discuss in the body. Once you have the rest of the paper written, you might want to go back and add a thesis, which will really be whatever conclusion you draw from your research. But other than that, it's fine.

"the primary population suffering from this disorder is composed of young females,"
Gautama 6 / 133  
Mar 2, 2009   #3
The first sentence is appropriate and the last sentence is easily identifyable as your thesis statement. The 2nd and 3rd sentences, however, seem to be a little random and too detailed to be in the intro paragraph. Remember, this paragraph is supposed to only contain the big ideas about what your paper will talk about. So if you mention something in this paragraph the reader will expect you to go into even more detail about it in the body paragraphs. Including details here will make it seem like they have take precedence over other details that you will later mention in your paper. Maybe you could add a few sentences that tell us how you are going to explore the theories you are going to talk about and some of the main ideas that they deal with. Good luck!

-------------------------

Muahaha! Nevermind then!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Mar 2, 2009   #4
Your last sentence wouldn't actually be a thesis. A thesis has to be debatable. It is, however, a good description of what you plan to write about, and as such is wholly appropriate to include in your introduction. I assume that the details you included in the first few sentences constitute background for readers who might not be familiar with the nature of the condition and who it normally affects, though if you plan to repeat that information elsewhere in your paper you don't particularly need it in the intro too.
newsha31 19 / 75  
Mar 2, 2009   #5
I thought it was ok. but what is your thesis?
snowman - / 4  
Mar 4, 2009   #6
this is well written i like how you added who this effects the most
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 5, 2009   #7
No, it was not okay, because it came from a site that sells essays. It is against the rues to post material here when it appears on other sites, and if you do that we will have to suspend your membership.

All you have to do is read some articles about anorexia and write an original paragraph. It's as easy as talking! You can do it!

:)

Kevin
Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Mar 5, 2009   #8
bwahahaha, do I understand correctly that newsha31 is an alias of shan?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 5, 2009   #9
Bwahaha?
Is that like, a Count Dracula laugh!? I don't know if Count Dracula laughter is allowed in this forum! :)

I don't know whose alias is what -- have enough trouble keeping track of all my own aliases. Aliai? What is the plural of "alias," and does it matter?
Gautama 6 / 133  
Mar 5, 2009   #10
Aha! We stumped the moderator. This calls for a vampire laugh.

MMUUUAHAHA


Home / Writing Feedback / eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa), introductory paragraph
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳