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hongphuoc 1 / 1  
Sep 16, 2017   #1

adolescents' health issue

In this day and age, the topic of children's eating habits and lifestyles is one which bears some consideration. It is the opinion of this writer that the weight of evidence is on the side of those who believe it brings detrimental influence to adolescents' health.

The idea that fast food gradually becomes pervasive all over the world is of decisive importance. It is clear to all observers that since the breakthrough of technology which leads to the advance of food industry, people manufacture myriad kinds of pre-prepared food and junk food. It is also manifestly true that those contain more food additives and preservatives compared to the past. As a consequence, this can worsen children's health and reduce their life expectancy rapidly. According to TUOI TRE, Vietnam's leading news source, over 25% of people get cancer in the present day because of chemical substances contained in fast food.

Another key component of this case is sedentary lifestyle, it deserves to be acknowledged that students have access to variety of state-of-the-art entertainment technology and prefer spending an excessive time sitting in front of the monitor. This situation leads to the increase of getting short-sighted and obesity in teenagers. An international study showed that if children continued doing more harmful indoor activities, they would have to face negative effects on their health, such as cardiovascular problems.

A final consideration in supporting this opinion is the fact that present-day generation does not play more sports than in the past. It is of inestimable importance to understand that because of being busy studying at school and taking part in extra classes, students have no time doing outdoor activities such as going swimming and playing soccer. In a similar vein, the creation of new types of entertainment activities has attracted more teenagers, which leads to the decrease of people joining sports clubs. Accordingly, it is obviously the culprit of not reaching a wholesome life.

Thus it can be seen that fast food, sedentary lifestyle and not playing sports can hazard children's health. Therefore, it should have been abundantly demonstrated that it leaves bad effects on young generation.

Betsyy 3 / 7  
Sep 16, 2017   #2
I read through your writing and I really loved the points you gave. I couldn't find any typos except from your title where you wrongly spelt children as childeren. Overall its a nice piece in my opinion
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,853 2638  
Sep 17, 2017   #3
Phuoc, it would have helped a lot if you had included the original essay prompt and instructions that you are responding to. That would have helped me better assess the content and approach that you took in response to the given scenario. Truth be told, I require the information because your opening statement, which is supposed to be a paraphrasing of the original instructions, doesn't really tell me anything relevant about the topic for discussion, how it is to be discussed, and why it is necessary to discuss this. It is not very effective as it fails to properly outline your paragraph discussion topics. Your score in the TA section will be heavily reliant upon the way that you approached the complete retelling of the original topic for discussion and instructions related to it. Another observation is that you included researched information in the essay instead of just using pubic opinions and assumptions on your part. Do not use researched information as much as possible because you will not have the time nor opportunity to do topic related research when you take the actual test. Always use exam scenarios as close to the actual test center set up in order to better prepare for the test. Do not include information that you will need to research in order to present. Stick to popular information for all your essay responses.
OP hongphuoc 1 / 1  
Sep 17, 2017   #4
Thank you so much for your assessment. I apologize for not having the question. Here it is: In many countries today, the eating habit and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Please forgive my poor English.