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Ecology solution - IELTS essay Task 2: Problem solution essay


qromj19 3 / 5 1  
Jul 30, 2019   #1

high number of rare or endangered species



MANY SPECIES OF ANIMALS AND PLANTS ARE IN DANGER OF BECOMING EXTINCT. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM, AND WHAT CAN BE DONE TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING?

It is true that numerous plants and animals are becoming rare or endangered progressively with the pace of human society's growth and development. The disappearance of flora and fauna is alarming which results in imbalanced ecosystem. Once this system is disrupted it leads to disorder in the ecological food chain that effects every living creatures in it. For example, vultures are the scavengers that helps in maintaining hygiene of the wild life by consuming the dead bodies, which, otherwise would be infested by deadly bacteria, further leading to disease in other wild animals possibly.

In order to find some effective solution to this serious issue, identification of the causes is necessary. To point out, there are three main reasons. Firstly, deforestation in the name of settlement expansion or trade of timbers that leads to destruction of animal and plant life. Secondly, trade of animal skin or rare plants that have medicinal value. Lastly, marine activities like over fishing.

Needless to say that extinction of animal or plant species have adverse effect in the ecological order, possible measures needs to be taken to prevent or protect the endangered species. In regards to deforestation, council or state authorities should monitor this and punish if there is any fraudulent involvement of timber business. Considering the illegal trade of animal parts like leather boots, purse, and belts should be strictly prohibited from entering into the fashion industry. Other way of dealing with the issue also could be not using such materials. As far as marine activities are concerned, strict legal fishing limit should be maintained which then should be strictly monitored.

Considering the causes of the problem, if the suggestion possible remedies are implemented than, world can be a better place to live with well-maintained ecology. As a result, this world will be like heaven with presence of varieties of flora and fauna.

Veranda 5 / 13 4  
Jul 30, 2019   #2
Hello!
I have some suggestions to improve your essay:
- I think your introduction should be shorter. You can develope your ideas later in your body paragraphs.
- Do not include examples in your introduction. Just focus on introducing the topic of your essay
- Your second paragraph about the causes should be more detailed. After citing each reason, you should analyze it deeper to make your essay sound more logical and reliable.

Some grammatical errors:
- ...some effective solutions
- all three sentences you use to list the causes lack verbs.
- have has adverse effects on ...and possible measures need to be taken
- suggestion possbile remedies aforementioned remedies
- ...implemented than, the world
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jul 31, 2019   #3
@qromj19
Hello. I hope you're doing good! It's good to see people who keep coming back to the forum for substantial writing feedback. I hope you find this beneficial!

I agree with a prior comment that it's frowned upon to have examples in the introductory paragraph. This portion should be bold to exhibit the primary requirements to have an understandable text.

I would suggest to first and foremost work on the general organization of your essay. It would be useful if you can fluidly give out thoughts without appearing to be cluttered to the readers. You can do this through laying out first a sequence that you need to maintain and follow.


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