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Economic globalization - IELTS Academic Writing Task 2


huynhmai1707 1 / -  
Mar 21, 2020   #1
Please help me to correct my lexical mistakes and mark my essay <3
Topic: Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

Answer:
It is sometimes argued that annual easing up some languages will facilitate people's easier lives. While I disagree with the idea of eliminating unpopular linguistic saying, I do believe that fewer languages could improve the global economy.

On the one hand, language is the method of human communication, used by a particular country or community and interpreting for the internal characteristics. Therefore, individual languages acquire a reputation for national linguistic culture. Through analyzing the unique semantic factors, we could find out something valuable about ancient history, tradition, character, and so on. Besides, using the same language shows our respect for our original ancestral and cement nationally empathetic citizenship. For example, Japanese companies always give priority to those who could use Japanese coherently instead of those with impressive other languages.

On the other hand, such economic globalization varying all over the world leads to widespread popular language like English, Chinese, French... in several countries. This will motivate external trades among countries, putting the global relationship under cultivation as well as developing countries' importing modern technology from prospering ones. Moreover, we could easily widen our connections with foreign friends around the globe through social means and popular languages. Communicating in the same language makes way for each member of international organizations, known as WHO, WTO, UN and the like, to share their own opinions and work in collaboration.

In conclusion, consensus languages are key to accomplish advanced knowledge to upgrade the living conditions. However, people should respect and maintain their mother tongue as one of the most distinctive traditions.

(258 words)

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 22, 2020   #2
Ok. Let's review your essay using the scoring guide. It will be easier to explain your mistakes and correcting the errors should be self explanatory on your part.

TA - 4
The response you gave is not the correct response to the question and your explanation or prompt paraphrase is unclear, confusing, and unrelated to the task. Your actual discussion is divided, using unrelated topics, which created an incoherent and non-cohesive paragraph presentation. Let me show a sample of a more pointed response to the essay:

It appears that numerous dialects become extinct as the years pass. This does not bother the population of the specific language dead nations. They believe that social interactions will become better when only a few dialects are spoken globally. I strongly oppose this belief due to a few personally observed factors.

As you can see from the sample, your restatement simply lacks clarity. Perhaps this is because you lack English language proficiency or, you are just over reaching with your vocabulary choices. Either way, you lowered your TA score because of it.

Cohesiveness and Coherence - 3
Like I said, your overall work shows a lack of clarity in your explanation of reasons. You seem to be extra focused on your vocabulary usage rather than the clear expression of your explanation. By doing so, you have managed to create illogical paragraphs which do not clearly relay what you are thinking or the message you are trying to get across to the reader. There is a lack of relationship between sentences and paragraphs. You only provide reasons without properly presented explanations and supporting sentences. Several reasons do not create an understandable paragraph. A singular reason with a 5 sentence explanation will actually achieve that task.

Lexical Resource - 3
Again, this relates to the lack of clarity in your essay presentation. Your word choices have made it difficult for the reader to actually understand what you are trying to say. Word choices have distorted the meaning of the paragraphs.

GRA - 3

You are overusing the Oxford comma in your presentations. There is no proper mix of complex and simple sentences in your presentation. You are using ellipses (...) in an academic essay. Your sentence structures are faulty to the point that some sentences are difficult to understand.

It is highly possible that based on your current scores, you could get anywhere between a 3 - 3.5 for this type of writing. It is still far from the 5 base score that exam takers are aiming for.


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