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Economic progress or other factors should be used to measure a country's success - IELTS task 2


luoyusi 1 / 2  
Apr 5, 2016   #1
Topic: Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success.However,some people believe that other factors are more important.What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success?Do you think one factor is more important than others?

wealth isn't the only factor



Answer:
It is ture that the economic development is one of crucial element to judge the achievement of one country.However,there are still several other significant factors relating to the judgement.And I believe they are all equally important.

To be a successful one,the country must do well in several other aspects,except economy.Firstly, the nation needs to think highly of its science and technology which may decide how advanced the country can be.A cutting-edge technology could promote its economy.Computer companies are good examples which can generate a great amount fortune.Besides,scinece fields can also reflect the state's education quality,as this area needs a host of brains,which could be met by these graduates from top-tier universities.The fully developed healthcare system is another factor,people could suffer a few healthy problems with a higher medical level.Finally,the national defense capability is also vital.A strong military and fierce defending weapons would prevent the invasion from Otha countries and make citizens feel secure.

Actually,all these factors are equally important as they are associated with each other.For instance,the development of science needs financial support,vice versa, scientific achievements could boost the economy.Normally,a successful country reaches the top of all these fields,American,for example,which is regarded as the most developed country,has the highest technology, the best university,a large number of rich men and so on.

In conclusion, the success of one country should not be decided only by the wealth,but also ought to combine all elements together.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 5, 2016   #2
Yusi, you made a fatal mistake towards task response assessment. You MUST provide at least 250 words minimum to fulfill task achievement. Even though you have excellent writing skills, you still get a penalty from the examiner due to incomplete task. This will affect your band score in IELTS. In addition, I also saw many unnecessary mistakes regarding to punctuation and spelling. Just bear in mind that before you write a new sentence (after period) and after a comma, give 1 space. There are more that 10 mistakes about that in your essay, check it again.

Let me show you one of them,

aspects,except economy.Firstly,

aspects, except economy. Firstly, .....

economy.Normally,a successful

economy, Normally, a successful...
Some spelling mistakes,

Otha

other

ture

true
Your conclusion is also too short. This makes you failed to fulfill the task achievement of minimum words written.

Remember, a conclusion should consist:
1. paraphrase of your introduction (paraphrase question, thesis statement)
2. add at least one sentence about your recommendation, hope, or fear in the future.

Keep struggling hard! Hope this helps.


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