EDEXCEL PSYCHOLOGY: The nature vs. Nurture Debate

So, I suck at psychology. I need help on improving my psychology essays, so I was wondering if there was anyone who could review the paragraph below and suggest on improvements. My exam board is International Edexcel.

Question:

Discuss the Nature-Nurture Debate in Psychology

. (16 marks)

The nature vs. nurture debate has three stances: the nativists (extreme nature stance), the interactionists (the middle ground, looking at both nature and nurture views) and the empiricists (extreme nurture stance). Rene Descartes suggested that humans are born with predispositions for their behaviors whereas John Locke suggested that we are born a blank slate and our environment determines our behavior. The suggestion that either nature or nurture is the sole cause of human behavior has implications. By suggesting that our behaviour is determined due to our environment or our biology can lead to socially sensitive conclusions. This ideology can further divide our society by oppressing people based on gender, race, sexuality, class, status, culture and so on. It can lead to reinforcing 'desirable' behaviors and punishing 'undesirable' behaviors, leading to a society that is socially controlled and segregated.

And if anyone knows about the markscheme of edexcel, please lemme know how much this would score. Im aware this won't score me 16 marks, but I wanna know how to improve before I press on.

Don't just focus on the theoretical side of the issue, discuss the debate based on what you have observed and experienced as well. How would you say your upbringing influenced your personality? Would it be on the nature, as referenced by an inborn personality, or nurture, developed through your relationship and the expectation of your parents? While the debate discussion does have scientific basis, the justifications of your explanation would be more considerable if the theory were attached to real life.

While I cannot actually give you a score for this essay, I can tell you this, the work you provided is simple but complete. It meets the marks for the exam requirements as far as I can tell. You have done well enough to potentially score full marks based on individual considerations. The work you have provided shows a clear knowledge and understanding of the topic, but could have used more specific reference points for the discussion examples. if this is your first time writing for the test, then you have done a decent job at accomplishing the discussion task.