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How many educated Bulgarians leave their country - the chart


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 31, 2016   #1
The chart gives information about the level of education of Bulgarian people who wanted to go and live in another country in 2002, 2006, and 2008.

Writing Task 1, Unit 1D, Page 10


The bar chart reveals the information about the percentage of Bulgarian society who wanted to live abroad based on the educational background, in 2002, 2006 and 2008. Overall, the number of secondary education reached the highest percentage over six year period.

According to the bar chart, in 2002, the percentage of secondary education reached a peak at 65%. In contrast, the percentage of higher and primary education stood at 17% and 18% respectively. Furthermore, there was an increased slightly in both educational background of 20% and 19% respectively. Although there was a significant drop of 9% in the number of higher education, the percentage of primary education hit the highest level at 32% in 2008.

It shows that the percentage of secondary education had a downward trend during the period. It followed by the percentage of higher education that fell suddenly in 2008. In contrast, the percentage of primary education an had upward trend and jumped markedly in the last year. (161 words)




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 31, 2016   #2
Hi Septia,
Please take a closer look at my contribution below. I hope this would be helpful for your future improvements.

1st paragraph:
- ... the percentage of Bulgarian society(Bulgarian is already a citizen, society, group of people) who wanted to live abroad based on thetheir educational background,...

- Overall, it is noticeable that / it can be seen that the number of secondary...
("addressing" the overview by using appropriate cohesive device is necessary to enhance your band score)
- You are suggested to write one more sentence, your introduction lack of important information from the bar chart itself. Only stating the highest would not be adequate.

2nd paragraph:
- ... of secondary education reacheditsa peak at approximately 65%.
- ... higher and primary education stood at("stood at" should be in the first sentence)17% and 18% respectively.
- Furthermore, there was an increased slightlya slight increase in both educational background ofat20% and 19% respectively.(look at these two sentences. It looks repetitive right? especially in the last part of the sentence. If you want to reach band 6 or above, I suggest you to not doing this anymore)

Hope this helps :)


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