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Educated people are more valuable? Direct questions essay.

Jimmy879873 26 / 63 13  
Dec 5, 2017   #1
Some people think that educated people are more valuable than people who have learned skills through experience. Do you think that educated people are the most valuable for society? What kinds of skills can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

the value of education

It is a common belief that the most worthy of ones in our society is to study a lot instead of the ones who developed its skills by experiencing. I think that we should not underestimate the value of someone who learned its skills through practices. Further, communication technique with years of practicing could benefit our society as a whole.

I believe that people learned skills through practices have more resilience to face many difficult challenges in contrast to those people who merely study the theories in class. As we live in a world where is full of risks and potential threats in different sectors. Educated people had spent years in a protected environment with very little chances to explore the real world. Which blinds them from seeing the side of cruel and dreadful our rapidly changing society. However, people who trained its skills via experiences are the ones entered into workforce early and that resulting them in realizing what to expect and learn from its failures.

In addition, having communication skills with intense practices are definitely beneficial to our society. Because it enables people to learn from one another. Even it is for the educated people who have not ever been working in their lifetimes. As they could use this technique to avoid making many mistakes. Which eventually aids to improve our society economically and culturally.

To recapitulate, some believe that learning skills via experiences rather than in education are less value in our society as a person. However, toughness could be developed in ones because of it and, this attribute character arguably has a significant contribution to our society. Moreover, the master of communication skills in ones would enhance our society to move forward.


This time, I used a timer for 30 mins. Please advise me if there are any improvements. It is a great hope that if you could score my essay. Thank you.

Holt [Contributor] - / 6,899 1718  
Dec 6, 2017   #2
SG, let me break this down for you in terms of scoring considerations. It was a very difficult essay for me to read due to lack of clarity in your presentation in most instances. This lack of clarity is what has caused

the lowering of your scores on the overall scale. As the examiner, I would score this essay as follows:

TA - 6 - the ideas you present are truly relevant, but the presentation of the discussion is faulty and does not make sense. This creates a situation where you actually discuss the topic but leave some parts underdeveloped in the discussion.

C&C - 5 - there is a lack of overall progression in your presentation because of your inadequate use of cohesive devices.

LR - 5 - You show a very limited vocabulary range that only helped you accomplish the task indicated. You need to familiarize yourself with more intermediate English words at the very least.

GRA - 5 - Problems with your tense usage abound in the essay which caused extreme difficulty for the reader. Additionally, all of your paragraphs and sentences suffer from grammatical errors in sentence development and presentation. So more English fill in the blanks sentence exercises are required to help you learn how to properly format and develop English sentences.

As this is a direct response question, you must remember some basic grammar rules. Never start the sentences with connecting words such as "And" and "Because", this will cause a lowering of the GRA score. You should also make sure that your opening statement makes sense before you present your direct response. The proper summarizing of the opening and closing information is important. It is imperative that you show a clear restatement of the topic for discussion so that you can increase the TA score. Your current essay is confusing in that part. Here is a sample of what you should do:

Society believes that people who have a degree have more importance than those who learned their jobs through work involvement. I believe that people who learned on the job are more valuable than their theoretically educated counterparts. There are more skills to be learned from actual familiarity with the work as opposed to idealized training such as unexpected job site scenarios which are not taught in the classroom.

Take the opportunity to use as many of the 5 sentence allotment to show off your English vocabulary and understanding of the presentation by using more complex scenarios in your essay.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 63 13  
Dec 6, 2017   #3
@Holt, thank you so much for the advice. I will improve myself accordingly.

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