Hi, I would appreciate if someone correct my mistakes. I tryed to do my best during the 30 minutes allowed. Thanks in advance!
Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site.
I believe that educating children is more difficult today because online games, social networking and cell phones are distracting then when they are studying. Besides that, they spend so many time in this distraction that do not have a hobby.
In my opinion those distractions harm their studies. I believe children are studying less because they cannot concentrate on their studies for a long time. Of course, on internet they can find interesting thing witch can complement what they learned at class. On the other hand, I have no doubt that the most of children do not know how to manage it so they can harm their studies. For example, my cousin is a very smart teenager and he loves to play online games. He plays a game that demand his attention four or three times per day and he stop whatever he is doing to play this game. Therefore, cell phone and social networking harm studies the same way than this game because one stops whatever one are doing to read a message or a post.
Another important point is that teenagers and children waste their free time with unimportant things. Nevertheless, there are people that argue that internet makes student learn faster. So, they have more free time to do others things. However, it is not true. For example, teenagers spend all their free time on social media and do not have time to have a hobby, such as, play a musical instrument, like, guitar, piano and so on, practice sports and read a book. Thus, all things together, teenagers only have free time to those distractions and they do not have any time to have a healthy hobby.
To conclude, based on the arguments exposed above I am of the opinion that online games, social networking and cell phones make more difficult to educate children. I would recommend parents pay attention with his/her kids because those distractions are not only harming their studies but also their physical and mental balance.
I can help you with your essay. I will make it simple and only correct the mistakes.
1st paragraph: Delete more. You can make this change "...more distracting then studying." This is a suggestion: Additionally, they spend so much time being distracted that they never have a hobby.
2nd paragraph: Place a comma after opinion. "...on the internet they can find interesting information which...in class. (I'm not typing the whole sentence, but you will be able to correct your mistakes).
The next sentence, delete "the" and place a comma after it. "...demands his attention three or four times per day and he stops..." The next sentence needs to be deleted because cell phones are not mentioned.
3rd paragraph: Instead of things you could say matters. Place "the" before internet. Delete the comma after so and change the end of the sentence to "other activities". The next two sentences need these corrections: "For example, teenagers spend all their free time on social media and do not have time to have a hobby, such as playing a musical instrument like a guitar or piano, practicing sports and reading a book." "Thus, teenagers only have free time for..."
4th paragraph: Delete exposed. Place "it" before more. When you use parents, you should use "their" because this indicates more than one. If you used parent, you would be more correct in using his or her. A better word than balance is well-being.
