Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Ielts writing task 2: education distance learning is quite efficient and convenient


jocelyne001 8 / 20 12  
Aug 17, 2019   #1

going to a real school or study online



Some people think distance learning has more benefits than schools, so schools will disappear from our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, with the development of technology, distance learning has become another option for students to acquire knowledge. Effective as it may be, debates of it have yield a spectrum of views. Some claim that learning online is a good choice and one day might replace schools whereas others assert that schools still have its irreplaceable status. My stance is more in line with latter based on following reasons.

First and foremost, the major rationale for going to school is that students could learn how to participate in a group. Often in the family, parents tend to spoil their children, so it is crucial for students to develop an appropriate relationship with their classmates in schools which includes to learn to share food or empathize others. Therefore, they can engage well in society in the future. Also, knowing how to express their ideas in front of the public is also an important value in schools since from teachers' and friends' reaction, children can tell if it is a successful performance or not.

Furthermore, not only can youngsters gain the knowledge of main subjects at schools, they also have other additional classes such as art and music which are essential for students to find their own talent. Most of online courses still focus on cultivating teenagers' academic ability like literacy, but music, art and sports are also very important subjects, too. They can rather train students' left brain and provide alternative way to let off stream. Also, some people are only talented at playing piano and painting, and schools offer a good place to look for their aptitude and seek different possibility.

In a nutshell, although studying online is quite efficient and convenient, given the function of schools to develop communication skills and other talents, I am convinced that school education would not be taken over.

Maria [Contributor] - / 827 312  
Aug 17, 2019   #2
@jocelyne001
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. As always, if you find this helpful, do tell us. We hope you keep coming back for more.

While I appreciate how packed the first paragraph is, it is quite dragging how many details are smothered into this text. I recommend that you incorporate more technique into incorporating details to assist you in writing.

You also have quite a tendency to create stuffy sentences that are heavy to read. For instance, the third sentence of the first paragraph could have been divided into two separate portions. Remember that this tactic will help you write with more intention because you're focused on content you actually need. Your second to the last paragraph's last sentence also displays a similar concern.
OP jocelyne001 8 / 20 12  
Aug 18, 2019   #3
@Maria
OK~I will try to change my sentence structure, thank you !


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: education distance learning is quite efficient and convenient