Hi. everyone :) My name is Maltekun and I'm an ESL student. I found this site yesterday and saw your meaningful replies. Here is my essay and I hope everyone have a good day!
Question: Some people feel that children should have a formal school training on how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree?
Answer:
Through the progression of time, the issues surrounding education have fueled a controversy. The controversy revolves around whether or not young kids should have school curriculum for being a good parent. This essay will take a social perspective to show a firm agreement that children should take school education to be a good parent.
In such a contemporary society, there is a strong favor the towards the fact that the youth should have a formal school training for their role as a parent in the future. Under the assumption that children have been educated regardless of geographical limitations, it is reasonable to say that school education could provide growing children with a standard they can follow, hence helping the younger generation to understand rules in society. Also, parent's education could be biased, however, school education is designed fairly and objective. Provided that a good parent should support their children financially, it is reasonable to state that school curriculum enables the young to become decent workers, encouraging them to be mature in an ideal way. Following this reasoning there is sufficient evidence to support the claim that the current education system should provide a parent training for the youth.
As with most issues of discussion, a counter argument exists in that too much pressure on children and teachers who already learn and teach many subjects. Furthermore, teaching how to be a good parent is not the responsibility of school but the responsibility of parents. However, realistically, these aspects can be limited by authority of the government. Government could reduce the intense level of education to support the parent training. Moreover, they could share the burden with many families to educate their children to be a good parent. As of saying this, it seems significantly less convincing to consider that school education should not educate children to be a good parent.
Having considered the argument at depth, due to the fact that governmental authority could support schools and families, there is sufficient evidence to completely agree with this argument. Therefore, it can be elicited that there can be a firm agreement that the younger generation should have a formal training to be an admirable parent.
Thomas, your essay is uses quite a lot of words. However, not all of those words were necessary in order to discuss the prompt. Due to the numerous reasons that you listed per paragraph, none of your ideas were quite solidly developed in order to support your stance. The essay lacks a clarity of expression and comprehensive thought process. These drawbacks weakened what could have otherwise been a very enjoyable essay to read. To be blunt, your thoughts were there but the expression was lost.
Normally, when writing a simple essay, you only need 5 paragraphs that contain only 1 supporting and one opposing reason for your discussion. The contents of each paragraph need to be discussed in a manner that will be understandable to your fellow ESL students when necessary. That means, you should only use simple vocabulary and try to thoroughly discuss your reasons within 5 sentences at the most. Anything more than that and your essay paragraph just keeps going round and round with redundancies / repetitions of content. You want to avoid that at all cost.
Your tone of voice should also be less formal and more casual because you are not discussing an academic essay. Sometimes, making your voice sound friendly makes the reader more receptive towards what you have to say. So try to avoid using terms like "argument at depth" , "due to the fact", "there is sufficient evidence", "it can be elicited", and "firm agreement". It really makes it sound like you are trying your case in court :-) Just relax. Nobody is arguing with you. We just want to hear your thoughts on the topic :-)
