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Education for everyone? Or restricted for elite students only? IELTS task


smejkaa1 1 / -  
Dec 2, 2015   #1
Task: University education should be restricted to the most academic students, rather than being available to a large proportion of young people.

Education for everyone?

In fact, the quality of education has become as high as never in recent years. However, it has also become one of the most discussed questions in modern society. How would it look like if we restricted university education only for elite students?

There are always (at least) two points of view. One of them votes for focusing on quality of education and second for equal chances for everyone.

As first, let me explain what is meant by focusing on quality. The point is if university education was restricted only for the most talented students they would be probably able to perform high academic duties and requirements. Furthermore, there would be more space for teachers to focus upon the specific needs of individual student. It implies the possibility of achieving bigger goals in these groups. By giving an equal chance to everyone, it should be considered if universities were able to hold these benefits.

On the other hand, there is a considerable problem with selecting the best ones. As Albert Einstein said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." There is always complication with cultural, gender and social factors in these testing of knowledges which we have to take into account.

That's the reason why I would not agree with restricting education for the best ones, because you can never choose them (correctly).

Thanks for your feedback
fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Dec 2, 2015   #2
Hi Adela,
Let me to give you feedback, here we go..

While you have a great idea in your essay, It is only a few grammatical error.
Technically, in my opinion, you didn't answer task responses.

1. First paragraph, you should paraphrase the prompt for your first sentence for delivering your answers to the next sentence. Then, write your opinion briefly (overview/thesis statement) in the following sentence. You don't require to add new topic with your question How would it look like if we restricted university education only for elite students? . It will make you out of topic.

2.

There are always (at least) two points of view. One of them votes for focusing on quality of education and second for equal chances for everyone.

This sentence can be your thesis statement that represents your idea in your essay (thesis statement). But, you shouldn't put in new paragraph with only one sentence here.

3. Body 1 paragraph, you can explain the reasons if you agree or support the statement that is provided in the prompt. write your idea -> supporting sentences to explain your idea -> reason or example -> then conclusion of your idea in this paragraph (optional)

4. You can strengthen your opinion in third paragraph. This paragraph will represent your position or views. Write it with the same pattern of body 1 paragraph.

5. Conclusion, you can paraphrase your thesis statement, combine with your main ideas in paragraph 2 and 3, and give your suggestion or opinion for closing statement (optional). Related suggestion or opinion with the content of your essay will become a perfect essay.

So, at least, you need 4 paragraph for answering the task responses in IELTS writing task 2.

I hope it helps, good luck then...


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