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Writing task 2: education is expensive - funding


yuanyuan123 1 / 2  
Jun 11, 2019   #1

pros and cons of sponsoring education



Task 2: Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pay some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays. the tuition fees on children are expensive. In some nations. the government subsidise some of or all of the costs to help children have an access to learning. From my perspective, although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.

There are a number of drawbacks of this trend that will be mentioned . First, since government is willing to fun for education costs, it is likely to put more burden on national budgets. For example, other key fields, either economy or healthcare, is also needed much investment. When governments cover many aspects of education, they in turn force to impose more taxes on individuals, leading to put burden financial on low-income families. Second, it is likely to be unfair to childless people. This means, they incline to be unpleasant because they money is used not for their benefits.

On the one hand, many benefits should be taken into account. First, funding for kids' education is of great benefit to families as well as society. In fact, in some case, parents are not able to afford the cost of education for their kids as their saving are meager. Therefore, this policies can open the opportunities of education for aspiring students, leading to enforce the quality of workforce in the long run. Second, by paying the tuition fees, parents can be released from the burden education fees, helping them have more budget to take goodcare of their kids in terms of food, clothes or medical care.

In conclusion, with all convincing arguments mentioned above, it seems to me that the demerits will be overshadowed by merits.

Seba0901 1 / 4  
Jun 12, 2019   #2
hello, I think there are some little grammar wrong

their money is used ...

policies can open up the opportunities
OP yuanyuan123 1 / 2  
Jun 12, 2019   #3
@Seba0901
thank you so much for your feedback
Maria [Contributor] - / 633 250  
Jun 12, 2019   #4
@yuanyuan123
Hello there!

Welcome to the forum. Let me try my best to help you.

Firstly, try to optimize your writing by using techniques that'll help you trim down and omit words that are merely fillers. Having a more straightforward approach to writing will help you create more dynamism in your writing, considering that it will force you to focus more on meaning and depth compared to other facets of writing.

Observe how I will revise this portion:

Nowadays. the tuition fees on children are expensive. ... some of or all of the costs to help ... learning improve educational accessibility. From my perspective, although ... these. this trend brings in advantages.

Try to be clearer with your language and use more appropriate formal tones as you are going about it.

Best of luck as always!
suong1510 5 / 8 1  
Jun 19, 2019   #5
I think your ideas are good, and you should reduce redundant words to make your voice stronger. But I think this idea is not clear enough :"Second, it is likely to be unfair to childless people. This means, they incline to be unpleasant because they money is used not for their benefits." the idea is kind of short and not strengthened. You should bring an example to make it clear. But I think people will not think that they are unfair by paying taxes to other children's educational chance. So you should bring another idea that is more practical. For example, the funding in education will motivate children to study harder to climb higher as they can be fully sponsored by governments.


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