Education - focusing on certain subjects or studying a wide range of subject is better?

I want to practice writing essays for the IELTS test. Hope to see your opinion. Thank you so muchhh

Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school.

What are the benefits of each system? Which is better?

This is my essay:

Some countries around the world allow students to specialize in specific subjects while in some other regions, students have a chance to learn a variety of subjects before leaving school. Both methods bring several benefits to children, but I believe that learning a wide array of subjects is better.

On the one hand, if students concentrate on a limited number of subjects, they can have some advantages by mastering this area. Because just focusing on fewer subjects, students can have much time to spend on them. By learning, reading, or doing exercises, the young generation who are 15 years old can have a good grasp of such subjects they focus on, they thus can apply well their knowledge into practice. Further, students have a chance to spend more time on other extracurricular activities to relax. For example, swimming or playing tennis can help students relieve stress and have a good mood for studying again.

On the other hand, I favour the pedagogical method of studying various subjects provides students a comprehensive education. I would argue that this system is better for three reasons. First, this educational approach helps students to broaden their knowledge in many aspects of life. History, literature can help students instill their patriotism and have thorough insights into their own culture, while maths, physics, and chemistry provide not only knowledge about science but also improve students' creativity and logic. Further, lessons that students gained from one subject can supplement another one, for instance, they can apply the way how to write a smooth essay to complete reports in Physics or Civil. Moreover, students before leaving school have opportunities to find out what they are natural talent for or what their dreams are. Because they experience many different subjects from a broad curriculum, they might know which field they are passionate about or excel at and get a tertiary education in this area.

In conclusion, both educational methods bring different advantages to people who are 15. I believe that studying a wide range of subjects is a better way for students to have holistic knowledge and achieve a brighter future career.

While the writer has shown a clear understanding of the discussion topic and the method of discussion, he still missed out on the proper formatting of the discussion reasons. The presentation accidentally took on a 4 paragraph format when the requirement was that of a 5 paragraph presentation. That means, the reasoning paragraph requires 3 discussion paragraphs covering the benefits of each learning style along with the personal preference of the writer. The paragraphs should represent:

- students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15
- study a wide range of subjects
- Which is better?

As the writer skipped on the proper independent paragraph discussion of a specific learning style, the essay will be scored on only 2 out of 3 considerations. Deductions will apply due to the missing paragraph. The essay has to be considered lacking in content development so full marks cannot be awarded for task completion.