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IELTS;Education should be given priority over recreational and sports activities


vmtct 6 / 7  
Oct 31, 2013   #1
Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree

If education provides people with ever endless source of knowledge, sophistication and prosperity, recreations and sports, at the same time, also brings joys, well-being and a colorful life to everyone. Both of these two sections are mainly undertaken and sharing fund from the government, and it is believed that education should take the precedence. Indeed, owning to the vital role in any country's development and the effect upon entertaining effect, more money should be invested into schooling people.

It is no doubt that education substantially determines a country's progress toward all fields. Workforce with expertise in both labor and intellectual tasks is considered the key factor to pushing one's country to a higher position. Take Canada for example, for various year, education has always been the most-funded section with quality of teaching being carefully qualified and supervised by the government, leading to the fact that Canada is among the most developed countries worldwide. Thus, subsidizing educating people should be the major fund of any nations.

In fact, amusements and sports, admittedly, play an indispensable role to human. Were a day to go by without recreations, life would be robotic and sluggish. Nonetheless, joys and recreational effects derived from entertaining activities are noticeably influenced by ones' living condition, and studying seems to be the only way bringing material wealth to people. Thus, education should take the priority in resources and money supplied from the government so as to enlighten people' prospect of being successful and happy.

To sum up, in the era of innovative and knowledge-based economy, education is second to none the most important section of any nations. Funding and developing education system to utilize its contributions in workforce level and breakthroughs in science and technology should be considered the top national policy.

Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Oct 31, 2013   #2
Indeed, owning to the vital role in any country's development and the effect upon entertaining effect, more money should be invested intoschooling people.

it'd be totally better if you don't repeat the word "effect" twice. Instead, using another synonym like "impact" "influence" for further understanding. "invested into" must be "invested in sth "

"schooling people" : school as a verb is rather used for training children than educating people as your comprehension.

To sum up, in the era of innovative and knowledge-based economy, education is second to none the most important section of any nations

"is the second" is more correct

Apart from these grammatical errors, your ideas are good along with the example of Canada. Hope you'll progress more in writing essay !
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
First, you should have included the prompt in your essay. Otherwise we do not get an exact idea about what it means. If we know that, we can align our comments with the prompt and therefore you'll get more meaningful comments by others. Also, provide a meaningful topic when you open a new thread and that also may attract others for providing yo uwith theri comments. I have already attended to your prompt to make it more meaningful :D


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