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Education & Individual Development & Well-being of societies


lindaqueen 2 / 4 1  
Jan 7, 2014   #1
Topic: It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to individual development and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

Unarguably, primitive times witness the great influences of education in human's lives. That what people should be taught to not only make themselves develop but also the whole society is still a debate. In this essay, there will be solutions to this issue.

First of all, to improve individuals' development, children should be taught to be competitive. For instance, there will be schools for gifted, those who have ability will be entitled to study there. Students will push themselves to their limit to fight with each other to get into these schools. Therefore, it is their own abilities will grow up. However, talented people will be unevenly spread in our society. Dangerously, people will have a tendency to become selfish, they will not pay attention to anyone but themselves, which can reduce human interaction.

On the other hand, education can include cooperation. For example, schools will organize teamwork experiments. Students have to work with each other to do these. Therefore, students can join individual strength, which can aid their performance. Moreover, they will be able to react to conflicts occurring and blend in social network quickly. Besides, they will depend on others and don't know how to make it on their own.

In a nutshell, it is certainly the case that we should mingle teamwork and competitive attitudes together to get a fulfillment of individual development and our country prosperity.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 2, 2014   #2
If this is for TOEFL or IELTS, then it looks too short. You need to meet their respective word counts. For IELTS it's 250 words and TOEFL 150 -225 words.

First of all, to improve individuals' development, children should be taught to be competitive. For instance, there will be schools for gifted, those who have ability will be entitled to study there. Students will push themselves to their limit to fight with each other to get into these schools. Therefore, it is their own abilities will grow up. However, talented people will be unevenly spread in our society. Dangerously, people will have a tendency to become selfish, they will not pay attention to anyone but themselves, which can reduce human interaction.

This does not look like well aligned with your topic which is

What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

However, you only talk about the competitiveness that students should possess and not about any feature that the education system should feature. It is very important to align your writing with the prompt.


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