Good day there, this essay was one of my school assignments, i would really appreciate any help or advise about my mistakes made in this essay, especially my grammar. Thank you very much :)
What is the definition of success? Some define success as the acquisition of wealth: to some others, it is the accomplishment of the goal aimed at. And how does education becomes the key to success? In today`s modern and competitive society, it is undeniable that we must equip ourselves with plenty of knowledge and skills in order to shine and to be successful in life. Many opine that the aforementioned aspects are mostly obtained through learning in academic institutions. I do agree with the opinion that education is the key to success. Nevertheless, I feel that one can also become successful without education.
First and foremost, it is certainly true that education is of paramount importance for people intending to join certain professions such as doctor, engineer and lawyer. With proper training and knowledge, it would be impossible for them to perform their best in their careers, not to mention to be successful in the field of area. Education can equip one to the fullest extent possible of knowledge related to his or her field of career, adequately equipped him or her with the necessary knowledge allows one to perform better than the rest and make them more successful than the rest. Hence, education is the key to success in the certain area of careers.
The characters and the qualities of a person also affects one`s ability to be successful. Even if they are equipped with the necessary knowledge and skills to be successful in their professions, without the correct mindset, they will not be able to overcome obstacles and persevere to the end. Making them unsuccessful in reaching their goals. Educations in schools or institutions help to inculcate the desirable qualities into individuals for them to become successful in life. Thus, education helps in the formation of the character with desirable qualities to become successful.
However, if we take a look from another perspective of success - the acquisition of wealth, some of the world richest and successful men were in fact school drop-outs. Some of the notable successful school drop outs were Steve jobs and Bill gates. Steve Jobs was the lead mind behind one of the most successful company in the world- Apple, never graduated from college, or even gets close to that. Bill Gates is the second wealthiest man on the planet, chairman of one of the most successful corporations- Microsoft, was in fact a university drops out. This proves that education may not be necessary as the key to success.
In addition, people with natural talents are also most likely to excel in their life. This is especially true in sectors like entertainment and sports. Education cannot teach how one should be funny or humorous, but it is an innate quality that one is born with. One example is Jacky Wu, currently ranked as one of the most popular and richest entertainers in Taiwan, known worldwide for his quick witted humor and open fire talks. Hence, it is evident that individuals born with talents have a better chance to be more successful.
In conclusion, it is indeed true that education is the key to success. But, it would be wrong to say that one`s success completely depends on the education he or she receives. Natural talent and hard work also contribute to their success.
With regard to the introduction I have some suggestions:
You have tried to start you essay by a question. But before the question you ought to prepare a reader's mind. For example you can say: People have different attitude toward the term "success". Therefore, there is no an agreement on the question that what is the real meaning of success?
Do not copy the topic: "And how does education becomes the key to success?" you can use this one" how education can play a vital role in prosperity (try to use a wide range of vocabulary).
In today`s modern and competitive societies
"...to shine ..." It is not clear, it would be better to change
"the key to success" : the use of this sentence for several times is not appropriate.
For expressing you opinion it is better to start sentence with the sentences such as for my perspective, in my view. "For my perspective, education have a special significance for succeeding even though there are individuals who could achieve their goals without academic training.
I think your ideas and how you organize your essay is good. But you should concentrate about paraphase and synonyms. For example, you can avoid the word successful in some sentences.
One example is Jacky Wu,...Hence, it is evident that individuals born with talents have a better chance to be more successful.
=> have a better chance to be accomplished person