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Essay:education, meet the needs of individuals and societies


qsy 1 / -  
Oct 28, 2010   #1
Could anyone help me revise my essay below? Thanks very much.

Topic:Education is of great importance to the development of individuals and well-being of the societies. What should education consist of to fulfill these functions?

My essay:
As we all know, education is significant to an individual's future career and will benefit the societies. Therefore, what fundamental aspects that education should include to fulfill these functions is worth discussing.

In my opinion, the very basic aspect of education is academic knowledge. For instance, the reading comprehension ability is of vital importance through out a person's life, especially in this modern society. If can not read, one may be cheated by some false news that one heard of. Even though an individual can read, but if can not understand the reading materials correctly, he may misinterperate the information which is very important to his daily life. So lacking of reading ability may cause inconvenience to individuals' life.

Another basic aspect of education is social skills. After leaving schools, good social skills may benefit a person in their working life. Because good social skills give a person the ability to know what to say in any situition and be a type of person others love to be around. Thus, a person may find less difficult in working with others especially those who are not very easy-going and more effective when in a cooperation for he or she can do a very good interaction with his or her partners.

On top of that, there are still several other fundamental components of education. For example, appreciation of art and literature which can make a person's life more colorful; a perfect skill to get a good job with a good pay; citizenship and community responsibility which everybody should take; physical and emotional health which provide a person with fit body to live and work, etc..

All in all, education should contain a variety of contents to produce educated people. And with a number of well educated people, our social development will become better and better.
kockyo 3 / 9  
Oct 28, 2010   #2
Therefore, what fundamental aspects that education should include to fulfill these functions are worth discussing.

Thats the only grammar mistake I found. This is a well-organized essay!
adriennelin 11 / 30  
Oct 29, 2010   #3
All in all, education should contain a variety of contents to produce educated people such as... then restate your previous points to make it clearer.


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