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Education plays fundamental role in the growth of a country


Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Oct 31, 2013   #1
Hi guys ! I'm newbie here, hope will get supports from you. I really do appreciate your helps to studying progress.

Topic: education is the single most important factor in the development of a country.

Among the vital factors affecting both individuals and the country's progress, education, indeed, has the highly influential impact on the growth of a nation, or else, promoting the quality of society and so on. Hence, due to these significances of this major, it is commonly admitted that the responsibility for the development of a country is solely of the education. In my perspective, apart from the inevitable benefits mentioned above, there are other factors that are evidently proved to be either essential or even more necessary than education, which are health and national cultural value.

To begin with, heath is incontrovertibly considered as the most important factor of individuals' living standards and demands, and moreover the investment in health along with the design of health financing policies should be addressed in terms of the interaction between health and economic performance. It is clearly seen that poverty, infant malnourishment and morality adversely affect the life expectancy, moreover, the growth of a nation. To prevent these issues from deteriorating, in other word, from not reducing the development of economy, the governmental policies of national health care, health insurance and health surveillance should be considerably implemented, therefore, the healthy population increasing leading to being a wealthier country.

Furthermore, the tangible value of one country mainly depends on its culture relating to the fact the absence of the long-established tradition means the irrelevant existence of a nation where cross-cultures acquired from the globalization are absolutely merged together. Thus, there should be governmental consideration on this major not only to conserve the very essence of a country but also to assist in increasing the pace of economic rates. Nowadays, the purposes of many tourists are usually about exploring the new, unique culture of a country, resulting in the fact that if the cultural tourism is more subsidized, it will certainly attract a lot of foreign investment in that country leading to the international commerce being more dynamic.

To conclude, it is true that education has played fundamental roles in the growth of a country, however, not being the sole factor. In addition, to the development of a nation, there are other significant approaches such as economy, healthcare and culture.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 31, 2013   #2
Among the vital factors affecting both individuals and the country's progress, education, indeed, has the highly influential impact on the growth of a nation, or else, promoting the quality of society and so on

I wish this sentence was shorter and had better clarity. It seems to be a bit cramped up with too many words and ideas. You need to open your essay with a strong hook that instantly attracts the reader's attention to your writing.

Hence, due to these significances of this major, it is commonly admitted that the responsibility for the development of a country is solely of the education.

Don't construct complicated sentences. Present your ideas in a simple, yet interesting way. What the reader wants more is clarity of your sentences.
vmtct 6 / 7  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
To begin with, heath is incontrovertibly considered as the most important factor of individuals' living standards and demands, and moreover the investment in health along with the design of health financing policies should be addressed in terms of the interaction between health and economic performance.

I suppose you should split this sentence into 2 separate ones: To begin with, heath is incontrovertibly considered as the most important factor of individuals' living standards and demands. Moreover the investment in health along with the design of health financing policies should be addressed in terms of the interaction between health and economic performance. ( it is still kinda complicated )

maybe you should simplify some of your sentences to make your piece more informative. ^^
OP Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Oct 31, 2013   #4
thanks for your support :)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Nov 2, 2013   #5
, or else, promoting the quality of society and so on

You can omit this part.

Hence, due to these significances of this major,

n my perspective, apart from the inevitable benefits mentioned above,

However, in my opinion,

that are evidently proved to be either essential or even more necessary more important

, moreover, and the growth of a nation

from deteriorating, in other word, from not reducing

from affecting

therefore, the healthy population increasing leading to being a wealthier country.

You could start a new sentence here:
Healthy citizens, which mean a more productive workforce, can contribute greatly to economic growth of a country.

Furthermore, the tangible value of one country mainly depends on its culture relating to the fact the absence of the long-established tradition means the irrelevant existence of a nation where cross-cultures acquired from the globalization are absolutely merged together

Furthermore, traditional culture has always played an essential role in any country, either in the past or in the age of globalization.

Thus, there should be governmental consideration on this major not only to conserve the very essence of a country but also to assist in increasing the pace of economic rates.

You had better give examples of the importance of traditional culture.

leading to the international commerce being more dynamic

this part is not necessary.
You have good grammar and vocabulary. However, your sentences are too lengthy and overusing big words makes your essay hard to follow.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 2, 2013   #6
To begin with, heath is incontrovertibly considered as the most important factor of individuals' living standards and demands,

I think health is more important for one's existence than living standard. Standard of living refers to the level of wealth, comfort, material goods and necessities available to a certain socioeconomic class in a certain geographic area (this is the google definition). So, health actually does not deal with wealth or material goods and there can be many poor people coming from lower social classes who are much more healthier than those who represent high and mighty society. I fee you need to express idea differently. I am quoting you a caption taken form WHO site;

Better health is central to human happiness and well-being. It also makes an important contribution to economic progress, as healthy populations live longer, are more productive, and save more.

This should be the idea you should have forwarded to the reader.
OP Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Nov 2, 2013   #7
thanks a lot for your support. I've got some problems with brainstorming and expressing ideas. I wonder if we could keep in touch sometimes :)


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