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IELTS Education plays an important role in the socioeconomic status of a country


tink3r 1 / -  
Jun 24, 2014   #1
Hi all, I need feedback on my essay. Thanks for your help!

Education is the single most important factor in the development of a country. Do you agree?

Education is undeniably an economic necessity. In most countries, it makes up a considerable part of its national budget yearly. In highly industrialized countries, undertakings are made to make it accessible and affordable to all. I believe that education is the single most important factor in the development of a country.

In a developing country, not many can afford to send their children to school. There are government schools where tuition fees are practically free but they are not aplenty and mostly are situated in the cities. They are not reachable by children who live in the mountains or islands. These children whose parents are either farmers or fishermen, can hardly eat three meals a day, let alone afford to pay for transportation to get to these schools everyday. As a result, these children remain uneducated and will have the same fate as their parents.

Development through education does not necessarily mean raising a country full of doctors, lawyers or engineers. Basic education teaches one child to read and write. Supplementary education provides him with useful knowledge and information. A further specific education can teach an individual with skills enough to make a living and be self-sufficient. A well-informed man can act sensibly and make sound judgment. In the same way, a skillful man contributes favorably and is valuable to the society. Collectively, the benefits of education can make a man, a society and a developed country.

In conclusion, education plays an important role in the socioeconomic status of a country. The more people in the country become educated, the better chance it can develop.

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 24, 2014   #2
In highly industrialized countries, undertakings are made to make it accessible and affordable to for all.

pay more attention to the using of 'to' and 'for'
also, the word 'all' here is too general, could you make it more specific and clearly?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 18, 2014   #3
Well... you write very well. Good grammar, vocabulary , flow etc. However, I believe you need to pay a little more attention to your approach for this task. I think your intro and body paras need to be more aligned with task requirements. In the intro, have these parts - Hook, background of the issue and your opinion. Then in your body paras, have the reasons to justify your opinion and then support them with specific examples.


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