Unanswered [23] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Education plays a pivotal role; Children learn how to be good members of society


william731 18 / 43 13  
Feb 17, 2013   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Education plays a pivotal role for children in becoming a good member of a society. However, there is a contentious issue as to whether parents or teachers hold the responsibility to teach children how to be part of a society. Personally, I believe both are responsible for social education.

To begin with, some believe that children at their school age spend eight hours a day in the school. School is just like a small society where people have to interact with each other. Most of the time, they are influenced by their peers and their teachers. Occasionally, conflicts may arise between students such as dispute or fight. It is teachers' duty to teach their students how to deal with some social situation appropriately such as how to cooperate with other students and avoid conflicts.

On the other hand, those who subscribe to the opposite belief argue that children spent considerable amount of time with their parents since they were born. Their behavior are affected by their parents both positively and negatively. For example, if the father or mother does not respect others, it is more likely their kid will do the same thing as no one teach them right and wrong. Therefore, parents should act as a model for their children.

To conclude, both parents and teachers are essential to help children participate in a society and be a good member of it. It is hard to single out either one as they both can significantly influence children's behavior.

OP william731 18 / 43 13  
Feb 17, 2013   #2
can anyone help me ?

By the way, if the essay is a discussion type, should we include personal opinion at the beginning or in the conclusion?
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Feb 17, 2013   #3
Hai william..

I like your essay...
good flow..

Structure also is good..

Yes, it is disscussion type question. In this type you should give your opinion (if the prompt asked your opinion) in the introduction.in conclusion, you should restate your opinion..

I think you followed the desired structure...):
Good luck..

Tessy
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 18, 2013   #4
Hai william..
I like your essay...
good flow..
Structure also is good..

I agree with Tessy... :)

To begin with, some believe that children at their school age spend eight hours a day in the school.

... well , this is a fact, not a belief.... I guess children spend eight hours in school :) So you should present it a little differently;
To begin with, some argue that children are mostly influenced by the school since they spend the most active eight hours of their day in school.

School is just like a small society where people have to interact with each other. Most of the time, they are influenced by their peers and their teachers.

According to them, this reason makes the school a very influential community for the children where their behavior and thinking get heavily influenced by their peers and teachers.

On the other hand, those who subscribe tohold the opposite belief argue that children spent considerable amount of time with their parents since they were born.

I think here you better talk about the closeness and family bonds rather than the time they spend, because you used the same argument in the other reasoning too;

On the other hand, those who perceive that children bear the primary responsibility of making their children good members of society believe that the bondage between and parents and children is much more stronger than any other relationship. Therefore, children are more likely to listen to their parents and follow their advices.


Home / Writing Feedback / Education plays a pivotal role; Children learn how to be good members of society