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Educational institutions do not mean we can be deprived of what we insist


guoxuyang 1 / 3  
Apr 11, 2011   #1
The issue here is weather educational institutions should dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to be successful in a certain field. I do not agree with this unfounded statement on the ground that there is no evident definition of these not-so-good fields.Although there exist a myraid of reasons explaining why nowadays many educational institutions such as universities and career-oriented schools tend to teach students what is badly needed to succeed in a certain field,we can not ignore the fact this teaching mode has its own disadvantages,that is the lack of criteria for determining these fields,as well as the definition of success of each individual.

Put it in another way,we do not have the sapience or right to decide students' life long choices for any purpose .Genuine education ,as Socrates asserted more than two thousand years ago ,is not inserting the stuffing of information into a person ,but rather eliciting from them what is latent in every human being.It is the drawing out of what is in the mind,instead of inserting the

To make it more clear,let's take a look at a specific example of a well-known celebrity in the economic field ,whose name is Steve Jobs.He was fascinated by electronic devices .When he reached college age ,he went to an arts college,after one semester at college ,he dropped out and learnt Eastern mysticism out of interest.Then he attended an early personal computer group made up mainly of hobbyists,there he got the idea of designing his first computer.He made many breakthroughs and his computer-Macintosh ,become the symbol of personal computer revolution worldwide.Steve jobs is undeniably an extraordinary man by any standard.He has created such a miracle with little college education and became one of the world's most eminent business executives. So,the field of study that he ,a middle-class young man without traditional education,seems unlikely to succeed turns out to be the very field that enables him to build an computer empire .

In this case, it is obvious ,then ,that it does not always hold true for everyone .Educational institutions do not mean we can be deprived of what we insist.Thereby the statement above that educational institutions have the responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields in which they are unlikely to succeed is unfounded.

stroakstar 1 / 3  
Apr 13, 2011   #2
the sentence 'in this case it is obvious, then, that it... doesn't make sense at all
mglaz1 2 / 13  
Apr 13, 2011   #3
How does one determine if somebody is unlikely to be successful in a certain field. This is why their is admission tests and prerequisites.
Isn't it? I find the paragraph confusing and illogical.
aosi111 1 / 3  
Apr 14, 2011   #4
several tips from aosi
1. You arguement is so thin that resulting in a serious consequence : there is a single point in the whole essay.

2.The structure is obviously unreasonable. You may distribute each paragraph more equal and try to give each one a core idea.

3.In my opinion, your essay is a little deviated from the topic, you should talk more about "educational institutions".

4.Please insert a "blank" between a "," and a capital.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 14, 2011   #5
Whether:
The issue here is weather whether educational institutions should...

dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to be successful. in a certain field.

Okay, excellent, I like your argument!

To put it another way, we do not...

Incomplete: It is the drawing out of what is in the mind,instead of inserting the

To make it more clearer, let's take a look at...

Capitalize the last name: Steve jobs

He has created and become...
He has created such a miracle with little college education and became become one of...

:-)
In this case, it is obvious, then, that it does not...
OP guoxuyang 1 / 3  
Apr 15, 2011   #6
thank you for your suggestion.
Does it make any sense if the word ''then'' is deleted??
OP guoxuyang 1 / 3  
Apr 15, 2011   #7
thank you for pinpointing my flaws so carefully,was it not for you ,I would hardly notice all these crucial faults in my argument.
I will try to wipe them out as soon as possible.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 16, 2011   #8
Does it make any sense if the word ''then'' is deleted??

Yes...
In this case, it is obvious that ...

I am afraid I crossed out the wrong word! I made a mistake, and maybe it confused you.

You can use "then" like "therefore."

Both of these are correct:
I made a mistake in my correction. Therefore, maybe you were confused about the correct way to write the sentence.
I made a mistake in my correction. Maybe you were confused, then, about the correct way to write the sentence.


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