[Contributor] - / 7,666 2037
Hoàng, there is a clear lack of prompt instruction understanding your presentation. This has led to only a partial correct response of your response in the essay. The main element for the discussion, the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement is not indicated in the essay. Let me show you where the mistake lies:
Original Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: I have convinced myself that it contributes to negative impacts on children
Do you see how irrelevant your response is to the question being asked? You provided justifiable reasons for the negative impact, but failed to indicate the extent of the impact. Hence, a very low score for your TA part of the scoring. Since you did not appropriately paraphrase nor represent the discussion instruction in your essay, you will not receive a passing TA score, which, based on the improper paragraph presentations in your essay will not be enough to pull up your score to a passing one using only the remaining LR. C&C, and GRA scores.
In order to better understand how to improve your score, you must first understand the various opinion discussions required for the IELTS Task 2 test. Use the samples available at this forum and learn from their mistakes and advice given to them. The best way for you to learn is by example. So read, learn, and apply the information you will be accumulating from the work of others to your future work. You should get better in your writing and presentation skills in no time.