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Effect of celebrity' coverage on media on children

Rachel Morre 1 / -  
Apr 2, 2018   #1
Many People believe that media coverage of celebrities is having negative effect on children .
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the overwhelming presence of celebrities on tv

The fact that celebrities are having an increasing coverage of media has triggered off a great number of hotly-debated controversies about its potential effects on viewers,especially children.I have convinced myself that it contributes to negative impacts on children

Firstly,it is worth pointing out that the constant appearance of celebrities on media leads to the children's misconception of life.On TV or in newspaper ,lifes of famous people are often the wrong portrayals of obvious wealth,luxury and full public attention as well.Inevitably,children who get influenced may grow up having a desperate for that such life but forget their own lifes.

Secondly,stars'attitude is one of many reasons causing misbehaviors among young viewers.The images of them shown on media such as :television or social network are hardly without wrong-doings,inappropriate behaviors.Consequently,children will absorb bad habits such as :smoking or drinking and irrevocably become burden of family[/b]

In conclusion,that celebrities have covered media causes children two problems of misperception and misbehaviors.It is high time our society took into consideration creating an educational environment for the young generation.

( I'am about to take an english exam,therefore i hope to receive corrections from you guys about my ideas,use of words and anything.Thank you all so much)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,585 3757  
Apr 5, 2018   #2
Hoàng, there is a clear lack of prompt instruction understanding your presentation. This has led to only a partial correct response of your response in the essay. The main element for the discussion, the "extent" of your agreement or disagreement with the given statement is not indicated in the essay. Let me show you where the mistake lies:

Original Instruction: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: I have convinced myself that it contributes to negative impacts on children

Do you see how irrelevant your response is to the question being asked? You provided justifiable reasons for the negative impact, but failed to indicate the extent of the impact. Hence, a very low score for your TA part of the scoring. Since you did not appropriately paraphrase nor represent the discussion instruction in your essay, you will not receive a passing TA score, which, based on the improper paragraph presentations in your essay will not be enough to pull up your score to a passing one using only the remaining LR. C&C, and GRA scores.

In order to better understand how to improve your score, you must first understand the various opinion discussions required for the IELTS Task 2 test. Use the samples available at this forum and learn from their mistakes and advice given to them. The best way for you to learn is by example. So read, learn, and apply the information you will be accumulating from the work of others to your future work. You should get better in your writing and presentation skills in no time.

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