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[Writing Task 2] Effect of electronic games to our life

charlie_ng 1 / -  
Jul 20, 2021   #1
Entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful to individuals and the society they live in.

Do you agree or disagree?

The industry era 4.0 has brought an enormous amount of benefits to our life in medical treatment, transportation, and also entertainment. Some people say that new-age entertainment such as electronic games on portal devices is harmful to both individuals and the community. Personally, I partly agree with it.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that these electronic games have a positive impact on our life. Firstly, like other kinds of entertainment, electronic games on portal devices help us to stress out and wind down after a long day at school or work. Some strategy games are also used to training the brain of the players and are encouraged to play with the right way and sensible amount of time. Secondly, game production and operation is now one of the billion-dollar industries in the day and age. It not only makes millions of employments around the world but also contributes to the annual country budget an enormous amount of money.

On the other hand, it's reasonable that some people disagree with that kind of entertainment and consider it as a threat to the development of society and the life of each individual. The first reason is that these kind of games are very addictive, so players are likely to spend a lot of money and time on it, that may effects their real lives. A large number of teenagers all around the world are attracted by them and use most of their time playing games instead of studying every day, which leads to their bad results in school. The other reason is that electronic game on portal devices is also the cause of the increasing crime rate in recent years all around the world. Addicted players always have a tendency of depositing their money into the games to exchange good virtual items in the game. Therefore, they have to try all ways to get money, including doing illegal things.

In conclusion, it comes to me that despite some certain benefits, electronic games on portal devices should be controlled strictly to decrease the bad effects it brings to individuals and the whole community.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Jul 21, 2021   #2
The first 2 sentences of the first paragraph are unnecessary. Only the last 2 sentences are relevant and responsive to the writing requirements. Those are the only information to be provided in this paragraph. That said, the paragraph would still have lost points for the use of a cut andpaste reference to "electronic games on portal devices". All original keywords should be replaced with appropriate synonyms due to word usage and vocabulary considerations.

The essay will recieve additional deductions due to an incorrect response format. This is not a measured response essay so there is no "partial" reasoning presentation. support one side fully or not at all. The writer has provided an unacceptable response based on the required discussion format. The essay does not offer a clear opinion based on the prescribed writing criteria.
vikedarliyasi 2 / 4  
Jul 22, 2021   #3
I think it will be better if you only put one idea, then put the example.

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