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IELTS Task 2 - Effect of International Fast Food

AnnieLZY 3 / 5 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #1
Prompt: In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


harmful services of fast food giants such as McDonald and Subway

In the last decade, fast food giants such as McDonald's and Subway have started their invasion to an increasing number of cities and towns. While hamburgers and chips become a frequent choice for modern citizens, I firmly hold the opinion that the damaging effect of international fast food on individuals and society on the whole cannot be overlooked.

It is claimed that fast food undermines people's well-being by overlooking nutrition values. To produce a flavor that raises customers' appetites, the restaurants usually use a shocking amount of salt, oil and sugar, which might encourage diseases such as diabetes or obesity. What is worse, there have been breaking news exposed over the years saying the meat of fried chicken wings comes from genetically modified monsters that have six wings and eight legs. Whether it is true or not, the credibility of food resource in some restaurants is very limited.

Moreover, the spreading of international fast food makes cultural diversities fade away. The emergence of local food is due to the geographical traits of that place and the dietary habits of residents. Therefore, it symbolizes the culture and traditions to a large extent. If one day, sushi and spaghetti were all replaced by hamburgers and hot dogs, people would regret about the gross loss of cultural identities.

The time-saving fast food, however, might be more suitable to the high-paced modern society. The streamline-prepared food can be served to the customers in less than one minutes. In addition, the dining time also shrinks since people can finish their meal while walking or working.

To sum up, even though fast food saves a lot of time for modern citizens, their harmful influence on nutrition values and cultural conservation cannot be ignored. While the trend of frequenting fast food restaurants seems inevitable, traditional food should at least have a place on the dining table.


Thanks for the correction!

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2888  
Jul 26, 2017   #2
Zhiyuan, you did not accurately paraphrase the prompt requirement and you totally misunderstood the discussion consideration as well. The correct paraphrase for your essay is as follows:

International fast food is believed to be speedily replacing traditional foods in most countries. There is a public believe that this steady increase in the popularity of fast food will result in a negative effect on families and societies. I totally disagree with this statement due to some factors that need to be considered in terms of food preferences of countries. Specifically, the food preferences of my own people in (name of your country).

This type of opening paraphrase shows that an analysis of the topic presented was done and that you considered all angles when it came to the food preference discussion in relation to traditional and fast foods. Your essay is nowhere near this required discussion, which is the required discussion because you made a mistake in your paraphrasing and as such, did not accurately represent the expected essay response. You presented an opinion essay based on a prompt discussion that you developed for yourself, which is not based on the original instructions provided. The important missing element in your opening statement that changed your discussion was "I totally disagree..." Keywords taken from the original prompt and used in the paraphrase will always help guide and outline your discussion. I hope you remember to do that with your next test.

The conclusion is also faulty as you were not able to properly sum up the given discussion by restating the prompt, stating a summary of facts from the discussion, and then repeating your disagreement in the end. That is all that is required in the concluding statement. Never give an additional discussion as it will not be considered a concluding statement and you will lose points for it.
juntrinh 3 / 4 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #3

Moreover and To sum up are not good. Perhaps you should change them. Moreover is quite informal, it'd better to use "Furthermore, In addition or Addtionally". To sum up = In conclusion
ghazali 4 / 6 2  
Jul 27, 2017   #4
I think you do not explain well how the effect on families,
you should make a relation between health and health in family

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