(IELTS ESSAY) effect of mobile phones on young children.

Question: many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Give your own opinion?

In this super-connected world, mobile phone serves an important role in the field of communication. Today, everyone has their own cell phone including young children. Even though these gadgets have both positive and negative effects, I am of the view that mobile phones have an adverse impact on youngsters.

Firstly, cell phones have many advantages. Other than talking or texting, it provides many applications such as access to the internet, camera, songs, calculator, torch light, and so on. Out of which children can make use of the internet as well as scientific calculator application as a means of their studies. For instance, many English learning students use mobile phone GPRS facility to log on to essay forum in order to improve their writing skills .So mobile phone helps children in many ways because of its convenience.

On the contrary, cell phone has become a major threat in children's life. These gadgets diminish the academic interest in students. In addition, the potential of the loss of moral values in youngsters due to the exposure of unhealthy stuffs on the internet is a matter of concern. For example, obscene contents on the internet have a negative effect on young children, and now mobile phones serve as a great reservoir of such contents. More over gaming, chatting and so on are of having their own ill effects on young kids.

In my opinion, the cons of mobile phones are very large in number compared to pros in children. So it is high time for us to control the affinity of young children towards these gadgets in order to mould up a better generation in near future.

due to the exposure of unhealthy stuffs on the internet is a matter of concern.

i think you'd better use more specific word instead of stuffs. :)

I guess "device" is a better key word than "gadget" for this idea.
Your introduction is very good!

Your first body para is dedicated to show the positive side of mobile phones. However, I wish if you talked about the negative side in both paras because you hold the opinion that it is bad. So you need to convince the reader more on that direction. If you keep one para positive and the other negative, then you should change your opinion to a more moderated stance;

I am of the view that mobile phones have both positive and negative impacts on children.


.... Whey you say this? You need to specify the reason !

i think you should elaborate more on the points you give. You sort of just cramped everything up and made it brief. talk about how it can be a distraction from school work. Students spend time chatting or playing games instead of reading. Talk about how it could save lives. A person in a compromising situation could call 911 for assistance.

Parents could also use it to monitor their children and know their whereabouts.

Please, someone should also assist me. i just posted something.

Dear somysojan, it is a wonderful essay with good ideas and introduction. if you concentrate a bit more about your explanations then surely you can achieve a good band score in IELTS. Good Luck.

thanks to all for your valuable advice.

Hai Somy..

Overall good attempt...

If you are totally agreeing/ disagreeing with a given statment, no need to tell the opposite side,

Tessy.

i thik its not an agree or disagree question.. it demands both advantages and disadvanteges along with our view..that is the reason why i have listed both aspects.. but i could not elaborate my own view in this.

In this sentance: "In this super-connected world, mobile phone serves an important role in the field of communication."
You said "Mobile phone serves" where it should have been rephrased as "mobile phones serve."
'Mobile phone' should be plural, since you are talking about them in such a manner. When it is plural, that means 'serve' shouldn't have the 's'.

I'd consider going back and fixing this, as it appears in many sentences.

Wonderful essay, nevertheless!

That is a very good topic for discussion. I myself think you have something here. Maybe you could go into more detail about the age of children getting cell phones. It seems that kids are getting phones at a younger age. Which in my opinion gives them too much independence.

It seems a very good short essay. It is cut to the point where everything is easily understandable on what you thought with the advantages and disadvantages and your opinion.

Hai Somy...

Yes, you are right...)Ř›

But you mentioned your opinion in the introduction itself..
Sorry for the confusion..

Thanks

Tessy