Some parent offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Students should be encouraged whenever they achieve a higher grade. However, some parents offer money for each grade they get in school as an incentive. Although I agree to encourage students, I believe giving money for each high grade makes students dependable and it is not a sustainable approach.
When a child receives money for getting high grades, she or he become dependable on getting money. In other words, if parents no longer pay him, the student will lose his incentive for getting a better grade. As a result, he becomes a conditional person which is not an appropriate personality. Additionally, this approach makes the child thinks that he should get better as long as his parents pay him and when his parents are no longer available to pay him, he will stop improving and become a useless person.
Parents cannot pay the student forever because as they pay him, he becomes more greedy and wants more money. This is a popular attitude in many individuals that make this approach inappropriate. This approach also makes the student ask for money for other things he does well, like doing his home-works or even going to school. As a result, parents cannot continue doing this forever.
In conclusion, giving money for each high score is not productive and won't make students an independent and competent person. This approach only makes them a conditional and greedy person which is not favorable in the society.
hello pier I hope my advice could help you
you can not use however in your sentence " However, some parents offer money for each grade they get in school as an incentive"
because it is an interrupter word , you can use Fro example instead.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,159 3636
Bezhab, you can very well use the word "However" in your paragraph presentation because it is meant to break the flow of thought from the previous discussion to a new one in a connected manner. It is indeed an "interrupter" word. You were using it in the right manner so there is no problem with its use in your paragraph. Don't be confused as to when to use the word. There is no problem with your word usage in this instance.
You have written a very strong TOEFL essay here. The problem, is that you kept giving reasons in every paragraph. You neglected to present an example in support of your reasons. You may have used yourself as an example of the effect of paying for high grades, or somebody you know. Anybody could have been used as an example. The examiner isn't going to bother to check about the veracity of your examples presented. When you are asked to present specific reasons and examples in an essay, try your best to present one of each. By the way, your score for this essay? An easy 3. If you had presented examples, it could have been booted up to a 4.